First dates are never easy and always stressful (at least, in my case). Putting yourself out there and meeting new people over and over again can feel intimidating, especially if you’re not finding any long-term potential. If you need help deciding whether someone is worth investing in, we’ve got your back. Here are four simple yet important signs your date might make a good potential partner, according to a psychologist.
1. They Ask the Right Questions
I don’t know about you, but I’ve admittedly been binge-watching Love Island and noticing a trend in modern dating (or at least in reality TV dating): People ask surface-level or sexually charged questions rather than deep, inquisitive ones. If your date is more interested in your favorite sex position than your hopes and dreams in life, you might be wasting your time.
On the flip side, if they express interest in your passions and goals, that’s a green flag for potential.
“Your date asking you questions about your life and interests, what makes you tick, and what brings you joy may be a good indicator that they are dating with intention and value the importance of getting to know you beyond a surface level,” says Dr. Roxy Zarrabi, a licensed clinical psychologist.
2. They Are Fully Present
You deserve a partner who is focused on you and your conversation, not someone who is easily distracted or detached. This will be obvious on a first date.
“If your date is present with you, they are demonstrating that they are engaged in your conversation and paying attention,” Dr. Zarrabi says. “They may put their phone away or let you know ahead of time if they need to check their phone for an important message, but their focus will be on you the majority of the time. Your date being fully present can be a good indicator that they are being intentional about the time they spend with you.”
3. They Respect Your Boundaries
Respect is one of the most basic values to look for on a first date. Everyone has different first date boundaries, and how your partner reacts to them will tell you a lot about their character and potential.
For example, I once told a dating app match that I didn’t feel comfortable having our first date at their home, as they were still a stranger to me. Though I explained myself more gently than that, they still took issue with this boundary and ended up ghosting me altogether. Clearly, I dodged a bullet (and a potentially dangerous situation) with that one.
On the other hand, I once requested a FaceTime date with another match before meeting in person. This man had absolutely no problem accommodating this request before taking me out. I remember feeling so comfortable with him off the bat, because he respected my feelings and created a foundation of respect and safety. We ended up dating for a while after that.
Setting boundaries a great way to learn whether someone will respect you in a relationship.
“If you say that you need to get home because you have an early morning or that you don’t want another drink and your date doesn’t push back or try to convince you to order more drinks or stay out later, it demonstrates consideration for your comfort level and may be a good indicator that they will be respectful of your boundaries moving forward,” says Dr. Zarrabi.
4. They’re Kind to Others
Many people will be kind to someone they’re attracted to or trying to win over, but not everyone will express that same kindness to strangers. To understand whether your date is actually as genuine as they appear, pay close attention to how they treat those around them.
“During a first date, you usually have the opportunity to observe how your date interacts with waitstaff, passersby, and potentially others depending on what activities you participate in,” Dr. Zarrabi says. “If your date is polite, respectful, and kind to others during your date, this could be a good indicator of their character and how they treat others around them in daily life. While some people may present a façade of being nice to others initially, it will typically be revealed over time if that is not their authentic self, and the contrast from how they treated others initially will often feel significant as a result.”
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