This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Margaret Burke, 62, who lives in Taiwan and is caring remotely for her 91-year-old mother in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Burke, who works as a patent attorney, said this arrangement has allowed her mom to age well in a condo while she can live independently and save for her own long-term care. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
I have lived in Asia for 18 years, working as a patent attorney. During the tech crash in the early 2000s, I was working for a startup. I wanted to get out, so I got a job in Tokyo. I later moved to Hong Kong, then came back to the US for a few years to deal with family stuff. I got my mom into a retirement community in Virginia, then went back to Hong Kong, where I started a firm. We had a branch office in Taiwan, so I decided to relocate.
Over the years, I have assisted family members with housing. I knew it would be the right thing to help my mother find the best place possible because I owe her so much, as she helped me raise my daughter as a single parent.
My mother moved into a very affordable condo
My mother worked for over 20 years as a paralegal for a town on Long Island. She has a small pension and gets Social Security. She is 91 and, at 85, moved to a condo in Myrtle Beach. She had wanted to move closer to the ocean and get out of the rat race of Northern Virginia, a very congested area.
It’s a standard condo that she owns, but it includes a daily meal, mostly dinners, and various other services, like a bus to the supermarket and field trips. It isn’t a luxury development, as it features both highly affordable condos, typically $40,000 to $70,000, and affordable monthly fees. These range from a little over $1,000 for a studio to about $2,500 for a two-bedroom, and include meals, all utilities, activities, a pool, and other amenities. There are gardening sessions, exercise classes, Bible study groups, and movie nights.
I paid around $62,000 for her condo and put it in her name. She’s paid the monthly fee, which was $1,700 when she moved in and has increased to over $2,000 a month for a bigger unit. It’s about 860 square feet for her two-bedroom apartment. The other money she uses for expenses like car insurance, though she’s just given up driving. She’s lived frugally here, and it hasn’t been hard.
She’s always on the go, often shopping, going for walks, or taking day trips to museums. Sometimes she crochets with friends. She and I have met many residents’ families.
There are very few places like this in the US
There are a few other examples of this condo model across the country in states like Virginia, but we hadn’t encountered this before looking. As baby boomers age, they will be needed more and more. They keep prices low because it’s not a management company; the condo hires its own management, which hires its own maintenance. A few engineers keep the property running.
Many people here have lived to over 100, including my mother’s friend, who died last year at 103. They’re a very involved group and have lived fascinating lives. Some require more assistance than others and call in outside caregivers, and some are on Medicaid. A few have tried out assisted living and hated it.
I do own a unit there that I bought for my brother, who was dying of brain tumors and lived there for a year and a half before passing away in December. It was also a blessing for him. I have stayed there for several months while helping my brother. I can attest that many people in their 90s are living healthy, independent lives because of all these services, including the man who moved into my brother’s place, a retired pastor who is 93.
So many people, including many of the people living where my mom does, cannot afford assisted living, so if their health declines, their children help or sometimes caregivers. What I’ve noticed over the years is a consolidation of what were formerly independent living communities, which has significantly increased costs.
I want to spend time with my mom
I will likely be moving back to the US with my mother this summer or fall. She doesn’t need the help, but I want to. She’s great fun, and I want to spend time with her. I have permanent residency here, so I can move back at any time. I’ve stayed here as long as I have because I had breast cancer, and Taiwan’s medical system is among the highest-rated in the world. It was quite efficient, and from diagnosis to the surgery table, it took 13 days.
It’s allowed me to live more comfortably halfway across the globe while knowing my mom has been in good hands. I know I want something like this when I’m her age. I know that my 37-year-old daughter in Manhattan isn’t going to give up her life to take care of me.
I know I have only so many years left with her, and I want to enjoy every moment we have. I plan on doing day trips and drives with her while she’s still relatively mobile. With computers, I can do what I do from anywhere.
I want other people to have the peace of mind that I’ve had for the last six years. There is this “third path” between independent living and assisted living that is affordable for most middle-income seniors.
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