DEAR ABBY: Every year for birthdays and holidays, my in-laws give cash as gifts to their children and their spouses. Should I be hurt that my in-laws always give an equal amount to my brothers-in-law and their spouses, while I always receive half the amount? I don’t need the cash, but the blatant difference makes me feel less valued than their other daughters-in-law.
I host all the family celebrations, visit my in-laws weekly and help my husband with repairs and upkeep around his parents’ home. My brothers-in-law and their spouses give their parents only limited amounts of time on holidays and limited physical assistance to their parents only if my husband begs for help.
I would never say anything to my husband because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I just want to know if I am being petty. — LESS THAN IN NEW YORK
DEAR LESS THAN: It appears your in-laws do not appreciate your efforts to be a good daughter-in-law. You are not “petty” for noticing the discrepancy, and I don’t blame you for feeling “less than,” because that is how you are being treated.
I do think you should have mentioned this to your husband when it first started happening. That kind of gift-giving is supposed to be equal. When it isn’t, there is something wrong. Whether you choose to continue helping them to the extent you have in the future is up to you.
DEAR ABBY: At the company where I work, multiple departments share a workspace. While most of my colleagues are quiet and considerate, certain members of one department are very loud. They talk nonstop (nothing work-related) and have no consideration for others who are trying to work and concentrate. It has reached the point that it is next to impossible to accomplish any work on a daily basis.
These individuals’ managers not only refuse to correct these behaviors, but often join in themselves. I understand I don’t work in a library, but I and others are desperate for a reasonable work setting and are trying to find the best approach to take. Help! — DISTRACTED IN COLORADO
DEAR DISTRACTED: Not knowing the corporate structure in your company, I will guess that there is someone there who supervises the managers. You and the other employees who are encountering the disruption on a daily basis should discuss this as a group with that person to see if some accommodation can be made. If your complaint falls on deaf ears, a solution to your problem might be noise-canceling headphones. Another might be to look for a job with another company.
DEAR ABBY: I’m not sure what to make of a strange thank-you note I got from a relative. I gave a generous gift, and one year after the wedding, I received an acknowledgement thanking me for the gift and saying that she was no longer married to “John” because she wasn’t being treated with the respect she deserved. What do I say when I see her — “thanks for the note — sorry about your marriage,” or should I just let it go? — PERPLEXED IN DELAWARE
DEAR PERPLEXED: It might be better simply to say, “It’s nice to see you. How are you doing?” and leave it at that.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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