For a few years now, I’ve seen people I’m connected to on social media celebrating their 40th birthdays in style. They’re renting rooms out in restaurants and throwing a big party with all their friends and family. Planning a girls’ weekend with all their friends and drinking and relaxing in the sun. Or just going away for a night or two at a bed and breakfast with their significant other or best friend.
It feels like celebrating a milestone birthday is something you have to do with other people. However, I ended up doing something entirely different for mine.
What I actually wanted for my birthday was time alone
When I thought about my 40th birthday, I felt guilty for not wanting to celebrate in this way. I originally put off telling my husband that I’d prefer to spend most of the day by myself because I was afraid it would hurt his feelings. But when he asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, I admitted that I’d like him to take the day off so he could be with our daughter, who didn’t have school that day.
I’m an introvert who often feels drained rather than refreshed after a lot of social interaction. Being a mom, especially to an extroverted child who prefers being out and about in the world, can be overwhelming at times. And like a lot of moms, by the end of the day, I am usually touched out.
Mothering feels like a full-contact sport at times. While I love my daughter, I’m looking forward to when she is not showing her love by tackling me on my bed. I’d love to use the bathroom in privacy, without her knocking on the door or peeking through the shower curtain.
On my birthday, I treated myself to lunch, shopping, and a movie alone
That’s part of why my ideal day actually involved fewer people, not more. I started by making a reservation for afternoon tea at lunchtime. Tea for one at a quaint little tea room. I was the only person in the entire restaurant eating by myself, but I didn’t feel weird about it. I brought a book and read for an hour and a half without interruption while I enjoyed the savories, scone, and sweets, and slowly sipped my tea.
After lunch, I browsed the gift shop and picked out some plants. Then I drove home, turned on one of my favorite Jane Austen movie adaptations, and chilled on the couch until my husband returned home with my daughter. It wasn’t anything fancy or elaborate, but carving the time out for myself was important. It is something I struggle with when the demands of work, motherhood, and home management take up most of my time.
My birthday reminded me that spending time alone is OK
Time by myself is often what my overstimulated, touched out, introverted self needs and wants.
Since my birthday, I’ve tried to be more intentional about spending time by myself (and not just in bed with a book when I’m exhausted after a long day).
I’ve gone to the movie theatre by myself for the first time in years and watched movies that aren’t cartoons. I’ve spent time browsing in a bookstore. I’ve sat down in a café to eat instead of going through the drive-thru and scarfing down french fries in a parking spot. It’s helped me recharge when I feel overwhelmed and pay better attention to my own needs.
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