DEAR ABBY: We’re a same-sex couple, and my husband has never gotten along with my sister and her husband. The tension has grown over the 17 years they’ve known each other. I suspect my sister may feel competitive or even jealous of our relationship. She comes across as self-focused, while her husband is quiet and disengaged.
We see them once a year for a few days, but my husband now avoids them entirely — he even opts to stay in a hotel during part of their visit. I feel torn: I understand my husband feels disrespected, but I’m also hurt that my only close family isn’t truly welcome in our home. Please help. — AWKWARD SIS-UATION
DEAR SIS-UATION: If your sister and her husband can’t treat your husband with more warmth, I’m not sure why you would expect him to welcome them with open arms. Because you’re paying for a room anyway, why not put them up in the hotel and get together outside your home for meals or other outings? If your husband can limit his exposure to them without having to flee his own house, the situation may feel less awkward.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 36-year-old divorced man who has been living with my girlfriend for a year. She is much more accomplished and sophisticated in most aspects than I am. She brings this up in any argument. How do I deal with this? — LESS THAN IN TEXAS
DEAR LESS THAN: There is a name for people who do what your girlfriend has been doing. They are intellectual bullies. Your girlfriend may be more sophisticated than you “in most aspects,” but her people skills are atrocious. She doesn’t know how to fight fair, and if she doesn’t stop, she will manage to drive you away. Tell her that. It may help.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old single gay man. I’m no longer looking for a relationship. I feel increasingly comfortable in my own skin while keeping a healthy distance from 95% of people. I have become like this during the past three to five years because I have my own drama to deal with and can’t handle anyone else’s drama on top of it.
It’s not that I don’t like people, I have just reached the point where I’m increasingly less trusting of people, in general, including my employers at the company for which I drive a truck long distance. Just wanted to know what your thoughts are on this. — ALONE IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR ALONE: At age 32, you are still a young man with a long life ahead of you. I’m sorry you didn’t mention what has happened to you that has made you less and less trusting of others — it would have been helpful, because relationships are important. My thought on this is: You need to make an appointment at the nearest LGBTQ community center and talk to a therapist about this. And, if necessary, consider looking for another company to drive for — or even a career change — because it isn’t healthy to have to look over your shoulder 24/7.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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