Have you ever noticed that your guy friends handle relationships a bit differently than your girl friends? Of course, this isn’t always the case, but some men have been conditioned to behave differently from women in dating and love. Boys often grow up with the expectations of becoming providers and protectors, dissuaded from expressing their emotions the way women do.
Undoubtedly, this influences the way adult men navigate relationships.
“While I believe overall we are not extremely different, we all search for love, connection, to feel seen, and to be respected,” says Melissa Kester, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Relational Life Therapist, and Certified Sex and Couples Therapist. “But a blend of societal pressures, life’s lessons, and relational wounding leaves us as individuals who often give to others from how we were both hurt and loved.”
According to therapists, here are three ways men might approach relationships differently from women.
1. They Typically Show Love Through Action, Not Always Words
While women have been conditioned to be nurturers, men have been taught to be providers. It’s deeply ingrained in some men to express their feelings through actions rather than words of affirmation.
“Men are often socialized into different expressions of love and attachment than women are,” says Jacob Mergendoller, Psychotherapist and founder of LightLine Therapy. “They’re rewarded for usefulness before emotional fluency. In essence, they learn to show their love by problem-solving, managing logistics, or protecting rather than the much more vulnerable exercise of emotional disclosure.”
2. They Tend to Crave Physical Affection as an Expression of Love
Many women crave physical intimacy, but it’s especially common for men to prefer this form of affection. To many men, especially those who feel uncomfortable talking about their emotions, it feels safer to be physically intimate than emotionally intimate. However, this doesn’t always translate to sex.
“While men can frequently feel love more through physical connection, contrary to what people say, it’s not just about penetrative sex,” says Kester. “They are also focused on intimacy: touch, cuddles, and an overall sense of connection are what they are looking for. However, society doesn’t really talk about this in too much depth, so we have female partners avoiding intimacy due to a sense of expectation, and men not knowing how to articulate what their desire for intimacy ultimately looks like.”
3. They Might Avoid Emotional Conversations Due to Fear of Judgement or Rejection
As mentioned above, deeply emotional conversations might trigger men, as they don’t always feel comfortable discussing their feelings. This is why some men try to “solve” an issue when their partner might just need comfort or validation. This shame or embarrassment surrounding their emotions can get in the way of true connection.
“Men are frequently taught to manage their emotions privately so they don’t become a burden to others,” Mergendoller explains. “Feelings such as disappointment, shame, loneliness, or hurt are quickly buried and replaced with stress, anger, or numbness, which are more socially acceptable.”
“I often like to highlight that little boys are deeply sensitive, but learn pretty early on that they need to bottle things up,” adds Kester. “So we can end up with angry or withdrawn adults, because that is what we learn to do when part of us has to be shut away.”
Kester notes that little girls are often more accepted for their emotions. But in adult relationships, when paired with someone who suppresses their own emotions, conflict is bound to arise. This explains the common disconnect between men and women in dating.
The post 3 Subtle Ways Men Approach Love Differently Than Women appeared first on VICE.
