This might be controversial, but I don’t believe there’s one perfect person for each of us in this world. I think love is both a feeling and a choice. When we decide to commit to someone, we close ourselves off to other potential suitors. If anything, I think this idea is even more romantic than the myth of “soulmates,” as it sees dating and love through the lens of devotion and loyalty.
Wondering whether you’re dating someone with long-term potential? Here are six signs you’re with a healthy, compatible partner.
1. You Repair After Conflict
No matter how much you might have in common with your partner, if you’re unable to repair after disagreements or difficult conversations, they might not be your forever person.
“Every couple has arguments, but knowing how to talk about them afterwards is the key to long-term success,” says Camille Espinoza, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, licensed therapist, and founder of the Center for Intimacy and Relationships in Washington, DC.
Of course, couples can develop and learn conflict resolution together, but this requires true dedication and the willingness to consider each other’s perspectives/feelings.
2. You Treat Each Other With Kindness and Respect
Someone who is meant for you wouldn’t disrespect your boundaries or make you feel invalidated. Rather, they’d act with kindness and sincerity, even during difficult times.
“This may seem obvious, but it’s also foundational for any long-term relationship,” says Espinoza. “Notice how your partner treats other people, too.”
Additionally, pay close attention to how your partner maintains these traits when you’re enduring difficult times together.
“You want a partner who accepts you when you’re at your best and worst,” says Brie Temple, Chief Matchmaker and Chief Commercial Officer (CCO) at Tawkify. “See how they behave when things get tough. Do they get upset easily, shut down emotionally, and make everything about themselves? Or are they more understanding and attentive during those times?”
3. You Celebrate Each Other’s Wins
Unfortunately, many partners are unknowingly jealous of or in competition with each other. Look for someone who doesn’t view your wins as their losses.
“A future soulmate will support you through thick and thin, celebrating with you and encouraging you at all times, not feeling threatened by your growth, success, or independence,” says Temple.
4. Your Nervous System Feels Calm
Our bodies often communicate to us through signals like anxiety, exhaustion, and even physical pain. For example, whenever I’m going through a stressful time, I break out in full-body hives. That’s often how I know whether my mental health is suffering or I’m burning myself out in some area of my life.
According to Espinoza, “Feeling safe and secure in your body with your partner, especially after being apart, [is a green flag.]”
“Notice how your body feels when you reunite,” she advises. “Is it stiff? Relaxed? Like a feeling of coming home?”
The answers to these questions can tell you a lot about the health and compatibility of your connection.
5. You Genuinely Enjoy Each Other’s Company
Many couples are only together based on convenience or surface-level attraction, but your person should feel like your best friend.
“A big indicator that you may have found your person is that it’s super easy to be around each other,” says Temple. “You aren’t stressed all the time and worried that they don’t care about you or that they’ll get annoyed with something you did. Instead, you feel safe, validated, and free to be yourself.”
6. Your Lifestyles and Values Are Compatible
Compatibility is a major indicator of a successful relationship, but many people stick with partners they love despite being misaligned on important things.
“Compatibility is evident when you can cope with difficult circumstances together, find humor when the situation calls for it, and don’t feel you always need to be entertaining,” says Temple. “Mundane activities can provide you with insight into whether or not the two of you have potential for longevity.”
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