To the Editor:
Re “My Parents Are in Their Mid-80s. Why Won’t They Prepare for the End?,” by Jessica Nutik Zitter (Opinion guest essay, May 5):
My first comment is: Stop badgering your parents!
Unless they are incapacitated, they can make decisions on their own. They don’t need to be treated like children. I am 91. I am what is called a solo ager. I am living alone in my home with my dogs, and intend to stay here until I die.
I am part of a very large group of other solo agers, many of whom I know only on Zoom. We share concerns and talk about solutions to our problems. And we have presentations by many professionals who understand health care, finances, elder law and other issues we face.
We are connected to an organization called Positive Aging, which provides numerous resources for us online. If anything happens to me, I have already made detailed instructions for the care of my dogs, and have another notebook full of instructions and contacts for my family.
I make use of “crutches,” like the daily notification system of Snug Safety and the fall warning system of my Apple Watch. I have done all of this without the help of my children, who, thank God, are not bugging me. I am a professional woman with a Ph.D. and am perfectly capable of making my own plans.
I am a cranky old lady, and it really annoys me when younger generations decide they know what is best for us old people when we are perfectly capable of making those decisions ourselves. Our children and grandchildren have better things to do.
Barbara Osgood Fairfax, Va.
To the Editor:
I am 89 years old and know that planning for passing is important, as is social policy for aging, but urging your parents to plan for every potential medical disaster may lead them to a life of anxious preoccupation with death. Another view is to live to live, not live to die.
I’m already anxious about dying, and to counter it I memorize a new piece for the piano by Beethoven, complete the writing of another book chapter, reread “Moby-Dick” and travel to Mexico. As I watch aging colleagues, those who are diligently planning for the worst are proud of their conscientious preparation, but they seem confused about how to enjoy living.
My liberal arts education didn’t help me much in getting a first job, but it has been indispensable in helping me live my allotted last years with creativity, accomplishment and meaning. It may be just as important to plan for joy as to anticipate disaster as we prepare for the end.
Jim Davis Lakewood, Colo.
To the Editor:
Dr. Jessica Nutik Zitter rightly bemoans that her parents, who are over 80, are not taking the practical precautions she would prefer. Of course, she’s right, but I know exactly what her fortunate parents are thinking: I’m a few months shy of 82. Just finished a fifth novel. Trekking to Alaska in two weeks. Spin with people a quarter of my age twice a week.
Those older than 80, like the good doctor’s parents and me, who have that type of good luck are not old or elderly. Rather, the sobriquet might be O.M.A. — Older Middle-Aged!
Robert Kornhiser Brooklyn
To the Editor:
Lack of planning is only part of the problem for the elderly. Fear of the dreaded old people’s home is very common among those who are determined to die in their own homes. What is needed is a more positive view of the options for us seniors.
Developing attractive, safe, affordable, well-supervised living places, such as continuing care retirement communities, is a far better option than sitting in a chair watching TV, waiting for the Meals on Wheels delivery.
I moved to a C.C.R.C. from a private house, where I had no close neighbors and no public transportation. Here I have my own space, friends, activities, meals, transportation and access to help in emergencies.
Which is better?
Barbara T. Bettigole Sleepy Hollow, N.Y.
Antisemitism Online
To the Editor:
“Many U.S. Jews Say Vigilance Is Now a Constant Companion” (front page, May 5) powerfully captures how antisemitism is reshaping daily Jewish life — from scanning for exits to hiding visible symbols of Jewish identity.
But fear does not begin at the synagogue door. It is also cultivated online.
As a rabbi and Jewish content creator, I have seen a marked increase in antisemitism in recent months — comments targeting my nose, my children and my Jewish identity that echo longstanding antisemitic caricatures. When I report them, I am often told they “do not violate community standards.”
The Anti-Defamation League has shown that this is not incidental. A recent report found that harmful and even extremist antisemitic content frequently remains online after being reported, allowing it to spread and normalize.
That normalization matters. The same tropes that appear in comment sections — collective blame and dehumanizing stereotypes — are the ones that underpin the fear described in the article. We should not be surprised that vigilance has become constant when the rhetoric that fuels it is allowed to spread unchecked.
This moment calls not only for awareness, but also for accountability — especially from platforms that allow such content to persist.
Yael Buechler Bronx
Trump the Destroyer
To the Editor:
Re “‘Easily the Worst President in U.S. History,’” by Thomas B. Edsall (Opinion guest essay, nytimes.com, April 21):
Thank you for publishing Mr. Edsall’s excellent essay about the destructiveness of the Trump administration. This piece should be required reading for all Americans, but particularly for the 77 million people who voted for Donald Trump in 2024.
I love this country, and I am scared about its future because of Mr. Trump’s malicious actions. I’m an old guy (73) and may not be around for the long-term damage, but I have children and grandchildren. I care enormously about their future. I hope this country has learned that having a businessman who knows nothing about government is a terrible idea.
Marc Chafetz Washington
To the Editor:
We cannot forget the complicity of our elected Republican senators and representatives, who could have put a stop to much of the damage at multiple times, yet chose to allow unqualified people to rise to positions of power, compounding the damage.
Carol E. Barnwell Houston
2 Kinds of Dreaming
To the Editor:
Re “The Mind-Altering Power of Lucid Dreaming,” by Cody Delistraty (Opinion guest essay, April 26):
Mr. Delistraty’s article about lucid dreaming cites some of the advantages of this particular dream experience. While lucid dreaming may have certain advantages over regular dreaming (for example, the dreamer’s partial control over the dream narrative), I would suggest that normal dreaming during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep also offers us meaningful information.
For example, during the latter we may be reminded of significant past events (deaths, anniversaries, etc.) or derive insight into current conflicts, impending decisions or difficult relationships.
Moreover, REM sleep dreaming transforms conscious information (including thoughts and feelings) into unconscious information, in order to facilitate learning and problem solving.
In effect, nonlucid dreaming is essential for our mental functioning.
Myron L. Glucksman Wilton, Conn. The writer is a clinical professor of psychiatry at New York Medical College and the author of “Dreaming: An Opportunity for Change.”
The post What to Do for the Elderly? Stop Badgering Them! appeared first on New York Times.
