The bar is so low it’s practically underground in dating these days, and somehow, a guy without Instagram seems to be clearing it.
Enter the “Luddite boyfriend,” the latest romantic archetype making the rounds on TikTok. He’s present, he’s attentive, and he has absolutely no idea what his follower count is. Women, especially in cities like New York, where dating feels like a full-time job with terrible benefits, are apparently losing their minds over him in the best way.
The TikTok dispatches have been rolling in. “You guys, I did it, I found a man that doesn’t use Instagram.” “This is your sign to date the man who doesn’t have an Instagram account.” The comments sections are basically support groups.
hes never seen an ig baddie in his life
Women Are Losing It Over Men Who Don’t Use Instagram
Grace H., 31, of Tribeca, has been dating her boyfriend, Bo, for three years. She told the NY Post she didn’t even know there was a name for what she had until recently. “There are so many other things that drew me to my ‘Luddite’ partner and the no-tech thing just ended up being a bonus,” she said. The chemistry was there, the humor was there, and so was a noticeable height advantage she wasn’t mad about.
What she didn’t expect was how much mental space she’d get back. In past relationships, she’d find herself deep in the familiar spiral, checking tagged photos, dissecting every like, scouring someone’s Instagram activity like a damn sleuth. With Bo, that’s simply gone. He’s off the grid, with one exception: a Pittsburgh Steelers Reddit page, which, honestly, is forgivable.
“Even in small ways, like when we go out to eat, there’s no ‘phones eat first’ moment,” she said. “He’s just there, fully present. It sounds simple, but it really changes the energy.”
The tradeoff is that Bo is chronically out of the loop on anything posted to social media, engagements, pregnancies, and major life updates until Grace fills him in. She considers it a fair deal.
The appeal also makes psychological sense. Dr. Debra Kissen, clinical psychologist and founder of Light On Anxiety Treatment Centers, says it all comes down to attention. “At the most basic level, you’re getting someone who is actually there with you,” she told the Post, adding that constant connectivity doesn’t equal closeness, and that many partners end up feeling like they’re competing with a screen.
For many women, hating technology has nothing to do with it. The problem is what unchecked social media use actually looks like in a relationship. The follows, the likes on bikini photos, the DMs. A man with no accounts removes the entire argument before it starts.
Sometimes the green flag is just an absence.
The post The ‘Luddite Boyfriend’ Is Being Called the New Dating Green Flag. But Should It Be? appeared first on VICE.
