So much of parenting is learning to let go. Letting go of rules, control, and even that tiny hand by your side.
When my third daughter, who’s 10, started at her older sisters’ “big school” last year, I thought I knew what to expect.
I cleared my schedule so I’d be available to walk her the 15 to 20 minutes it took to get to school each day. And I was prepared to pick her up at 4 p.m. each afternoon.
My eldest daughter, now 15, started secondary school at exactly the same stage, and I walked her to and from school for that entire year and part of the next.
So I was shocked when my 10-year-old insisted she wanted to go to school on her own. No, she didn’t want me. Or her sisters. She didn’t even want a buddy to meet up with.
I wasn’t comfortable with the idea at first, but eventually I relented.
I’m so glad I did. In a matter of months, she’s transformed from a shy, quiet child into an independent, confident tween.
Lots of kids in London start walking to school solo around age 10 or 11
I didn’t navigate public transportation to get to school in Manhattan until my teen years, but things work a little differently in London, where I now live.
Kids here typically start Reception (Kindergarten) at 4, then attend primary school until the age of 11 (called Year 6).
Then, from Year 7 to Year 13, they go to secondary school, and kids walk, scoot, take the bus, take the train, and take the Tube to get where they need to go. Independently, more often than not.
Some schools offer earlier entry points, like the school my three older kids, aged 10, 13, and 15, now attend. (Their youngest sister, 8, is still in primary school).
I wanted my 10-year-old to join her big sisters’ school early because she’s young for the year (an August baby) and can be emotional and sensitive. It was a gentler way to ease her into secondary school and would give her the chance to slowly build up her confidence and independence.
I also felt like it was my final hurrah of getting to walk my daughter daily. A blissful year before she became obsessed with age-inappropriate skincare and started begging me for social media apps.
I also had idyllic visions of my three daughters skipping to school together, giggling and trading stories as they walked through the park, or took an alternative route along a busy road with shops and restaurants. To this day, it still hasn’t happened, but a mom can dream.
Listening to my daughter and putting her needs ahead of my anxieties
Though her primary school was only a block-and-a-half away from home, my 10-year-old had rarely ever walked to school solo. Her younger sister was always in tow, so it was easier for us to leave the house as a family.
At least, that’s what I pretended to myself. Truthfully, I wasn’t ready for all the “stuff” that comes with kids walking alone, from devices to added parental anxiety.
I already had two children out in the wild, walking solo. I couldn’t face another one of my babies flying the nest (or, more precisely, zooming off on a scooter down the road).
She’d asked me repeatedly last year, and I wish I’d been more encouraging then. So I shouldn’t have been that surprised when a few weeks into this academic year, it came up again.
“Please let me go to school on my own, Mom,” she pleaded.
She promised she could “handle it” — she knew the way, she was armed with a Nokia and an AirTag, and she’d check in as soon as she arrived, and when she left each afternoon.
I still wasn’t ready to let her go. And her sisters were not happy.
In addition to all of the usual worries, I had another biggie: what happened if she got emotional and I wasn’t there to help?
“If you’re not there, I’ll have no choice but to go in, even if I’m feeling nervous.” She sounded so mature — and so sure of herself.
Taking my daughter’s lead was the right decision
For the past five months, my 10-year-old has been scooting off to school solo. Though she doesn’t typically even take the same route as her sisters, she does often meet friends at a halfway point.
Of my three, she’s the one who checks in most reliably to let me know she’s arrived at school, or to let me know if she’s doing something on the way home (popping to the library or playground with friends, or going for an ice cream).
Her confidence and self-belief have grown enormously, and I find myself constantly awed by her. She’s currently crocheting a mini-skirt, something she taught herself to do.
She’s transformed, and I think walking to school independently has had a lot to do with it.
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