This interview is based on a conversation with Mandy Appleyard, 65, from Yorkshire, England, a celebrant specializing in funerals. It has been edited for length and clarity.
In May 2019, my life was turned upside down when I received a call at work saying my active, 81-year-old mom was in the hospital.
She had a massive stroke without any warning and, when she was discharged three months later, was still unable to move or really speak.
There was absolutely no question in my mind that I would leave my job as a lecturer in journalism and freelance writer to become her primary caregiver.
As a caregiver, I felt as if my life no longer belonged to me
My mother ended up moving into my home. My younger sister and a team of paid carers were involved, but it was incredibly challenging.
Mom was miserable about her situation because she couldn’t do the things she loved, like dancing and socializing with friends. It was heartbreaking to witness her suffering.
Meanwhile, as someone who has never married or had kids, I’d valued my freedom above anything else. It was hard to deal with the feeling that my life no longer belonged to me.
Then COVID happened, which brought us closer. I bought a huge television, and every afternoon we’d watch an old movie together, like “Cabaret” or anything starring Gene Kelly.
After 37 years of high-pressure journalism in the US, Asia, and the UK— which included 70-hour workweeks — I appreciated the quieter pace.
Mom died in February 2021, and I thought about returning to the workplace. I knew I wanted to interact with people again.
I like to think I’m an empathetic person, especially because my writing career was built around talking with and encouraging strangers to share their personal stories.
Besides, I think spending all that time as my mother’s carer has helped me better understand others’ feelings and needs.
The celebrant who conducted my dad’s funeral had a light touch
Journalism no longer appealed to me, as I was past the stage of networking or meeting tight deadlines. I needed to change course and try something different.
I remembered the time my dad, an atheist, died in 2014. When it came to arranging his funeral, my mom said, “He wouldn’t want a vicar. We should see what other options there are.”
She hired a celebrant who conducted his cremation service with a light touch, including humor. He was very good at putting us at ease.
I started to think about all those times I’d sat in people’s living rooms as a journalist, interviewing them about themselves or a member of their family who’d died.
Those personal skills seemed transferable to celebrancy. I paid £3,000, roughly $4,000 USD, for a weeklong residential course with the International College of Professional Celebrants, then did a year of remote training.
I launched my business, A Perfect Ceremony, in January 2023. I charge £240, around $325 USD, for my services. They include spending time interviewing the bereaved family, writing a script, and speaking, usually at a crematorium.
Sometimes, there will be 400 people in the room. Or, it might be as few as four.
Still, my job isn’t so much about the event itself. There is a lot of focus on the lead-up to the ceremony, especially after an older person has been ill and the family has cared for them.
I relate to people who’ve lost a loved one after a long illness
I’ve found, over the years, that a significant number had dementia, which took its toll on their relatives, too.
My mom didn’t have dementia, but I had a ringside seat to watching a real force being brought down. Living with her infirmity gave me insight into what it’s like to lead a diminished, slow, disabled life.
Those last years with my mom were an incredibly useful chapter when it came to relating to clients who lost someone they cherish.
I never imagined my career would take this direction, but I’m delighted that I stumbled across it and feel blessed.
Did you pivot to a different career in midlife? Please send details to Jane Ridley at [email protected] if you’d like to share your experience with Business Insider.
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