Dear Miss Manners: My home has an open floor plan with the kitchen, living room and dining area all combined. This leads to guests meandering through the kitchen area while we’re preparing food.
No approach I have used has been successful to deter this. How do I approach my dear aunt at Thanksgiving, who is a repeat offender? She hovers over the food being prepared, touches things and samples dishes before they are done. This makes my husband unable to enjoy the food, as he is concerned about sanitation.
Thanksgiving being about expressing gratitude for what one has, Miss Manners cannot help noticing that the purpose of an open floor plan is to encourage people to move about — though maybe not to put their thumbs in the gravy.
She assumes that selling the house before Thanksgiving dinner is not an option. Well-placed screens to cordon off kitchen entrances are worth considering, as is assigning someone to keep your dear aunt busy — either with charming conversation or by giving her an actual food-preparation assignment.
Dear Miss Manners: I subscribe to the belief that, at a sit-down meal, it’s correct to wait until all guests have received their food before you begin to eat.
However, it seems like other folks never got this same lesson. I frequently find that some well-intentioned guest will look over, notice me not eating, and try to persuade me to go ahead and dig in — without any regard for the other guests who don’t yet have their food.
This really irks me. I’m well aware that, yes, I could in fact begin eating, but I’m intentionally choosing to wait out of consideration. What’s a polite way I can tell these types of people to butt out?
A polite way would be to say, “Thank you; I will in just a moment.”
Miss Manners agrees with you that it is polite to wait for everyone to be served before starting, presuming that it is not a table for 24, and rude of the other guests to order you about.
But lest we are tempted to take a tone, she reminds you that once others do start, there is a danger in continuing to abstain: It would be rude to draw attention to another person’s lapse in etiquette by, say, ostentatiously continuing to wait for everyone else to be served. However, she suspects you would enjoy that.
Dear Miss Manners: These questions were posed at a dinner party I hosted: “Did you make this roast?” “Did you make these potatoes?”
I was a bit taken aback, but maybe I should just get over it. The meal was well received.
You found the questions rude because you believe that no self-respecting host would serve guests precooked food. Miss Manners thinks it more likely that your guests asked as a prelude to complimenting you.
So the proper answer is, “I did,” followed by a quick reply such as, “Would you like some more?”
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2025 Judith Martin
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