For a culture that talks about sex constantly, people still get scandalized by the dumbest things. One slightly unconventional preference, and everyone becomes very concerned about morality, standards, and the decline of civilization.
Meanwhile, most of those interests are common enough to barely raise an eyebrow in actual research. The Sexual Medicine Society of North America notes that 39 of 55 sexual fantasies measured in a 2014 study were statistically common. So let’s get into a few preferences that still get called weird for no especially good reason.
1. Wanting a threesome
This has been labeled as some “wild confession” for years, even though it’s literally one of the most common fantasies out there. Multi-partner sex, including threesomes and orgies, is listed by the SMSNA summary of sexual-fantasy research as one of the most frequently reported fantasy themes. So while people still talk about it like it’s some jaw-dropping revelation, a huge number of adults have clearly already gone there—in their heads or otherwise.
2. Being into spanking, bondage, or power play
Some people hear BDSM and picture a highly choreographed lifestyle with leather furniture and a sex dungeon. Most of the time, though, this category is much lighter than that. It can mean restraint, spanking, dominance, submission, or just the appeal of handing over control for a minute. And again, the data here isn’t exactly niche. A Belgian population study found broad interest and experience with BDSM-related activities in the general population.
3. Role-playing
This is a big one. People like novelty, and sex research has been saying that for a while. The SMSNA summary, drawing in part on Justin Lehmiller’s work, lists novelty, adventure, and variety among the most common fantasy themes. Role-playing fits neatly in that lane. Sometimes people just want to be strangers for a night. Or someone else entirely.
4. Getting turned on by taboo ideas
This category usually means fantasies that people think sound too socially unacceptable to admit. Voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetish play, and certain power-based fantasies all tend to land here. But the Sexual Medicine Society of North America notes that only two of the 55 fantasies in that 2014 study were statistically rare. So no, most people aren’t alone in whatever they think is their most unshareable thought.
5. Wanting some version of non-monogamy
Open relationships, swinging, polyamory, cuckolding, even just being turned on by the idea of sexual openness, this whole category still makes people deeply judgmental, even in today’s world. It also ranks among the common fantasy themes summarized by SMSNA. Fantasy isn’t the same as a plan, obviously. But people are clearly more curious about non-monogamy than polite conversation would suggest.
For all the public pearl-clutching, most people probably aren’t as sexually vanilla as they pretend to be. They’re just a lot more selective about what they admit.
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