Perhaps one of the worst types of daters is the ones who string someone along without any intention of committing. They don’t want you, but they also don’t want anyone else to have you. According to some dating experts, this dating trend is called “seagulling.”
Is your crush “seagulling” you? Here’s how to find out.
What Is ‘Seagulling’?
According to Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., in a Psychology Today article, “‘Seagulling’ is when you have no real romantic interest in a person but still keep others from him or her.”
“It’s similar to the tendency of seagulls to grab food, whether or not they are hungry, simply because they don’t want others to get the food,” he continues. “Swap in another human for the seagull, you for the food, and romantic desire for the hunger, and you’re being seagulled by someone dating-wise.”
Some examples of seagulling include planning dates and hooking up with someone with no intention of committing. However, in this case, the “seagull” is intentionally misleading. They aren’t upfront about their lack of interest or their desire to keep it casual. In fact, they give you just enough hope and affection to keep you on the line, so you’re not exploring other fish in the sea.
However, seagulling doesn’t just occur in the early phases of a relationship.
“Seagulling can come at the other end of a relationship, too—namely, the end of a relationship,” Lee states in his article. “The seagull may have long lost interest in you or even broken up with you. But the seagull may keep hanging around, making it more difficult for you to move on and find someone else.”
Signs Someone Is ‘Seagulling’ You
Wondering whether there’s a selfish seagull in your dating life? Here are three signs someone is seagulling you.
1. They’re Inconsistent
In dating, a seagull is inconsistent in its behavior. If your crush is present and communicative one day, but distant and cold the next, they might be treating you as a placeholder of sorts. They’re interested enough to take what they want from you, but not enough to give you what you desire in return.
The inconsistencies can confuse your brain, triggering the addictive highs and lows that keep us hooked on a person. Naturally, you want to savor the affection you get from this person when you do get it, because you’re not sure how long it will last. But at the same time, when you try to move on from them, they lure you right back in with false promises.
2. They Make It Difficult for You to Move On
As I just mentioned, seagulls are the daters who want your loyalty but are not willing to give you the same in return. Any time you try to break it off or date someone new, they find a way to convince you to stay. At the same time, they’re likely pursuing multiple options and managing a full roster. The double standards are real.
3. They Haven’t Introduced You to Their Loved Ones
Someone who is seagulling you might purposefully hide you from their loved ones. They won’t bring you to family gatherings or friend events, as this might feel like too much of a commitment to them. They likely keep you off their social media, not sharing photos, reposting stories, or even engaging with your comments on their page. It’s easier to keep you a secret so they can continue their shady behavior without anyone calling them out.
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