Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
When the Ball Is Over
A federal judge ordered construction to be halted on President Trump’s White House ballroom on Tuesday, in a 35-page opinion that said that lawmakers’ input and congressional approval were likely needed before Trump could proceed with the $400 million replacement for the East Wing.
“Sorry, Donald Trump, it looks like your precious ballroom is over,” Desi Lydic said on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”
“Even you can’t talk your way into saying that this is somehow a positive for you.” — DESI LYDIC
Speaking at the Oval Office, Trump called the decision “a positive for us.” pointing to language in the court order about being allowed to continue work to ensure the “safety and security of the White House and its grounds.” He defended plans for the ballroom’s bulletproof glass, drone-proof roof, secure air handling systems, biodefense, on-site medical facilities and bomb shelters.
“This is intense for a ballroom. Might I suggest: If the ballroom starts experiencing ballistic assault, maybe we just cancel the ball?” — DESI LYDIC
“The judge said ‘No ballroom,’ and President Amelia Bedelia took that to mean, ‘The judge is begging us to build that ballroom!’” — DESI LYDIC, referring to a children’s book character who often misunderstands speech
“The worst part of all this is that this ballroom isn’t even his only D.I.Y. project,” Lydic said, sharing Trump’s plans for a new presidential library in Miami, which could leave room for a hotel and will be built once he’s out of office.
“What a fitting monument to President Trump — a hotel parading as a presidential library, where you can honor his legacy by cheating on your wife in the Ashley Madison suite. Guess what? All the suites are Ashley Madison.” — DESI LYDIC, referring to an online dating service meant for extramarital encounters
“Honestly, this sounds like one of the worst ideas Trump has ever had, which is not very easy.” — DESI LYDIC
“Wait, you won’t start until you’re out of office? Mr. President, we need this library that is mostly a hotel as soon as possible! You should leave office and start building it right now! We can’t wait a second longer! In fact, you might even need help — bring JD with you! He can supervise! And, yes, we’re losing your administration, but we’re gaining so much more in hotel-brary.” — DESI LYDIC
The Punchiest Punchlines (Another Historic First Edition)
“Well, guys, this morning, President Trump made history by becoming the first sitting U.S. president to show up for opening arguments at the Supreme Court. Yep. Trump was excited. It’s the first time he’s been in court without the chance of going to jail.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Meanwhile, Trump stormed out 13 minutes into the opposing argument. Yep, the last time Trump walked out of something after 13 minutes, it was the ‘Melania’ movie.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yep, Trump left the Supreme Court pretty upset and he got even more mad when he found out there was no supreme food court either.” — JIMMY FALLON
“If you’re wondering how President Adderall could sit through a whole day of legal proceedings, the answer is that he couldn’t. The justices did not buy any of his administration’s arguments. So midway through the morning — so, midway through the morning, a humiliated Trump stormed out of the catastrophic SCOTUS hearing. Humiliated or just confused? [imitating Trump] Well, that was awkward. All nine of them wore the same black muumuu, the worst production of ‘Sister Act’ I’ve ever seen. Whoopi was terrible.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“So, Trump says he opposes birthright citizenship because he doesn’t want rich people to buy their way into America, but at the same time, he wants rich people to buy their way into America. It’s almost as if he’s bringing up billionaires for a completely disingenuous reason and there’s some other group of people that he wants to stop from becoming citizens.” — DESI LYDIC
The Bits Worth Watching
Maggie Rogers performed her hit song “Alaska” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
The “Super Mario Galaxy Movie” star Jack Black will turn up on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Bruce Springsteen advocated for “the righteous power of art, of music, of rock ‘n’ roll in dangerous times” as the E Street Band opened its Land of Hope and Dreams tour in Minneapolis on Tuesday night.
The post Desi Lydic Would Like Trump to Take a Hint appeared first on New York Times.
