On any given Saturday, you might find Morgan Quinn Ross, an assistant professor of emerging media and technology at Oregon State University, deep in the mountainous woods, sans phone, on a solo run. “People generally know that I do it, so if I die, I would like to think that they would find me eventually,” Ross tells Vox. “But I find that really restorative. I find that it’s really helpful just to check back in with myself after the week and really appreciate nature.” After conducting multiple studies on solitude, he’s come to consider this form of alone time — one completely removed from human contact — a way of being “attuned to the self.”
During the week, Ross trains with a run club, but Saturdays are for him; they’re his opportunity to reflect. Though a solitary jog through the woods hardly seems social at all, the ritual is an essential component of Ross’s social routine, as alone time is necessary for any well-balanced social life.
Jeffrey A. Hall, a communication studies professor at the University of Kansas, sees this ratio of alone and social time as integral to a healthy “social biome,” which is also the title of the book he co-authored with Andy J. Merolla, a communications professor at UC Santa Barbara. Each person’s unique social biome encompasses all of their regular interactions with friends and family, co-workers, and strangers, and it thrives when there is a mix of connectedness and alone time. Because social interaction is inherently energy-intensive, everyone needs solitude to replenish. “It allows us to regroup, understand our sense of self, recharge our batteries, but then also be capable of entering into conversation and discourse with curiosity and compassion and interest,” Hall tells Vox.
Despite — or perhaps because of — solitude’s restorative abilities, we’ve collectively gone a little overboard on alone time. Between 2003 and 2019, Americans spent an increasing amount of their day alone: 43.5 percent in 2003 versus 48.7 percent in 2019, according to an analysis from the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia. (It went up even more in 2020.) Meanwhile, the amount of time Americans spent with people they don’t live with dropped.
These shifts are reflected in cultural messages like the push to “protect one’s peace” from exhausting friends and the glorification of canceling plans. Ironically, a lot of attention has been paid to the loneliness epidemic, and the physical and emotional harms that chronic loneliness can cause. But someone who spends frequent time in solitude isn’t necessarily lonely, just as people who are physically alone might not be getting restorative solitude. Are you really by yourself if you’re accessible by text and email?
While the ideal amount of solitude is unique to each individual, there are ways to ensure alone time is truly beneficial and doesn’t become your default state.
“Shades of solitude”
In a 2024 study, Ross outlined the ways in which solitude can end up being fairly social; he and his co-author referred to it as being “shaded” by technology. On one end of the spectrum is total isolation, where you’re physically alone, inaccessible to others, and not engaging in any virtual communication or social media consumption. On the other end are instances in which you’re not exactly socializing, but there’s potential for social interaction; think of being in a coffee shop with strangers, available on Slack, looking at Instagram. Everything else falls somewhere in the middle. For example, reading a book or scrolling TikTok is what Ross considers a solitary social experience due to the ability to engage with another’s thoughts.
In this study, all forms of solitude were restorative, but participants considered the more social versions, like reading in a coffee shop, more effective at fostering connection while, at the same time, recharging their batteries. These semi-social solitary pursuits might also be more accessible for those who can’t steal away for hours at a time. “There’s different possible experiences with these different types of solitude,” Ross says. “It comes down to aligning what you’re able to carve out in your day-to-day life, as well as some of the specific things that you’re trying to get out of solitude. Being in the woods might be better for some things, but the moment on the commute and the shower, those moments might be more helpful for other things.”
Need a breather?
Signs you might need some alone time (and how to get it).
- Just because you spent a lot of time socializing doesn’t mean you need to go hermit mode. Hall has found that even after enjoyable but energy-intensive social events, like a party, people typically still enjoy unwinding with others. “Like walking home from a bar with your best friend or checking in with somebody as the night’s over saying, ‘Oh my God, did you see that happening?’” he says.
- So, pay attention to how you’re feeling. Are you frustrated, overwhelmed, and reactive? Does a colleague stopping by your desk make you want to blow up instead of slow down? According to Nguyen, that may be a sign to collect yourself in private.
- Then, think about what you want to get out of solitude. Maybe you need prolonged, walk-in-the-woods restoration. Or you suspect you’d feel better with a quick hit of solitude. But perhaps you reached your social limit at a party and just need an exit. (Hall is a fan of the Irish goodbye.)
- How can you create pockets of solitude based on your needs? Look at your day and figure out when you can steal a little time for yourself. This could look like being physically isolated and unreachable, sitting quietly at a family party and observing the conversation rather than engaging in it, or taking a few minutes to scroll TikTok after a long meeting. “Whether that’s biking to work or just the shower at the end of the day, these little moments in the flow of the day we might not think of as solitude because they’re not that run in the woods,” Ross says.
In research led by Thuy-vy Nguyen, principal investigator of the Solitude Lab and an associate professor at Durham University, participants mentioned partaking in quiet, enjoyable activities like reading, listening to music, gardening, and, yes, taking a walk in nature. “The activities that you do also shape your solitude experience,” Nguyen tells Vox. “If you can find things that you enjoy doing and you want a space where you can be free to do that activity, that’s also good.”
Sabotaging solitude
Regardless of your preferred vehicle for solitude, the intended result is “a state of calm and relaxation,” says Nguyen. Truly restorative alone time allows us to mellow out after highly stimulating events, whether they were fun and exciting or frustrating and anger-inducing. “A lot of times people also find it’s a space to cope with mental fatigue,” she says.
But the pressures and distractions of the modern world can undermine solitary peace. While Ross’s study found that being technologically plugged in wasn’t detrimental to restorative solitude, there may be a point where being too available can backfire. “If you’re really trying to engage in self-reflection and be more internally focused, I think that’s where the possibility of a phone call or engaging with media might conflict with that,” he says.
Hall, the communication professor, agrees that the gray area of solitude — being physically alone but checking emails, answering texts and phone calls — compromises the restorative aspects of alone time. Those demands and obligations directly interfere with your ability to recharge, he says. It’s particularly difficult to decompress if the inputs are stressful, like breaking news alerts. To fully reap the benefits of solitude, Hall says, “you should be comfortable with the idea that work can’t reach you right now, or the stressors of the world need to [be] put at bay, or you need to retreat into a room to have some peace and quiet because you have a two-year-old at home.”
In her studies, Nguyen has found that even participants who have access to their phones report feeling calm. But consuming a constant stream of stimulating content on the phone can prevent you from sitting with your thoughts and reflecting.
There’s a case, then, to be made for preserving the sanctity of both social and and alone time, to fully embrace both ends of the spectrum. To get the most out of solitude, you might need to ditch your phone, which, in turn, may allow you to be fully present when spending time with friends later.
“Our current communication landscape offers all of these different things in between, where you’re kind of socializing, but you’re also kind of alone,” Ross says. “But I think, by and large, there’s value in having these experiences of really being in these social interactions and really being in these solitude moments.”
Stuck in solitude
While solitude is a good thing, and spending more time alone does not necessarily make a person lonely, it’s possible to grow too accustomed to isolation, Hall says. With plenty of opportunities approximating social connection — parasocial relationships to podcast hosts, exchanging DMs on Instagram with friends — you might experience social inertia and start to forgo actual human interaction.
Nguyen’s current research explores the idea of being “stuck” in solitude, and the issue isn’t isolation, she says, but the emotions associated with being alone. She says people might feel like they don’t connect with those in their social network when they hang out with them, so they stop making plans, or they could get really hooked on one solitary hobby, like interacting with an AI chatbot. If you feel that ChatGPT is meeting your social needs, you might not be motivated to venture out to talk to a real person.
Rather than utilizing solitude as a means of avoiding others, experts say, consider it a necessary component as your social biome. In terms of the proportion of the day, a lot of people spend the majority of their time not socializing: you’re sleeping, commuting, or engaged in deep work. Maximizing social time, then, has the greatest payoff to well-being, Hall says. (Of course, there are highly social professions, like nurses, teachers, and servers, where one might need to prioritize solitude instead.) Send a text, make a plan with a friend this week, say hi to a neighbor. “Our current social discourse is, ‘People are exhausting, don’t do any of it,’” Hall says. “I think that the evidence is actually much stronger saying do a little of it frequently and make it into a routine.”
The post How to make the most of your alone time appeared first on Vox.
