NEOLOGASM is a new VICE column about new internet language.
You may have noticed that people are talking in strange new ways lately. It seems that every day another word comes along to enchant the public and invade billions of group chats.
Many of these words are given to us by X. The social media platform is essentially a way to eavesdrop on the fantasies and anxieties of millions of insane degenerates in real time, and as such is maybe the most efficient machine for producing new language ever devised by man.
But just as new things enter our lives, so old ones must vanish from them.
Every time your age changes, there are words that become shameful to use more or less overnight. Here’s a handy list for you to bookmark and return to once a year.
15
Skibidi
You’ve got the beginnings of a moustache and wanking has become something of a dedicated hobby: you’re better than a silly video of a toilet.
67
As ~1,000 millennial media thinkpieces have already explained, “67” means whatever the fuck you want “67” to mean. But unless you’re 6-7 years old, you shouldn’t need it to mean anything at all.
18
Stan
You shouldn’t “stan” anything/anyone once you’ve had sex.
Piff
Compliment-wise, “piff” needn’t be given or received by anyone who can legally buy a drink. You think I’m piff? Piff off.
21
Stan
Still haven’t had sex? Fine. You’ve got, I guess, a couple more years of being really into K-pop.
Adulting
No one currently under the age of 32 has ever used this word in earnest, but in order to move forward as a culture some things must be retroactively shamed. We must confront the atrocities of our past, and “adulting” is a concept invented by people who never had to load a washing machine till they moved out of mummy’s house. If you were using it beyond the age of 21, let alone still, you should consider crawling back into the womb and starting over.
Jeet
“Jeet me! Jeet me!” said literally no adult woman ever. You can drink, drive, and vote now. It’s time to use big boy words for sex that you didn’t learn playing Bop It.
Groovy
Woah there, grandpa. It’s time to leave this one to the kids.
25
Bare
While you managed to get away with an unconvincing London accent when you were fresh on the scene and loads of SoundCloud rappers wanted to get in your pants, it’s now widely known that you hail from Kent. Not sure what the American equivalent of this is… hella?
Rah
See above.
Mad
If you’re British, use it till you die. If you’re American, and you’re using it to mean “very” or “a lot,” you have just a quarter century.
Chopped
Your prefrontal cortex is now more or less developed. If you want to call someone ugly, do it with your fucking chest.
Cap
Unless you are discussing the divisive EU mandate that all plastic beverage bottles up to three liters must have caps that remain attached to the container during use, no one wants to hear this word from you.
Manlet
Your brain is still developing, but the good news is that you’ve now realized height isn’t that important. The bad news is that you’ve already accumulated a lifetime of credit card debt paying for leg extension surgery. Still, at least you’re not a manlet anymore.
30
Aired
Your messages are getting “aired” in the group chat that was once “legendary” and well-populated by life-altering banter because, well, everyone has lives now. Andy’s having a kid. Drew proposed to his girlfriend while on holiday in Venice. Kirk’s made an app. You’re not getting aired, and you shouldn’t be using the term either. Move on.
Ate
While it was cute to appropriate gay culture in your twenties, there’s a distinct desperation to hurling compliments at the drag brunch once you’ve got smile lines. The only thing you should be “eating” these days is rice cakes. Your metabolism isn’t what it used to be.
Slay
Ditto.
Rizz
Seeing as you’re no longer trying to shag someone you’ve just met down the pub, preferring stilted exchanges on whatever dating app is en vogue, you don’t really need rizz, do you?
Delulu
As in, you’d be delulu to use the word “delulu” if you’ve ever read Attached and/or Atomic Habits. You’d also be delulu to think you’ll match with anyone better than David Walliams on Raya.
NPC
You no longer get wolf whistles when you wear cycling shorts and shopping at Brandy Melville makes you feel like you should be on the sex offenders register. You are an NPC now. You can’t use the term.
35
Chirpse
Chirpsing at the bar, are you? Someone ask for Angela. Quick.
Bet
Bet you can’t sit down without making a noise now, more like.
Ick
Since you’re not Carrie Bradshaw, you’re gonna have to find a better reason to dump someone than the hypothetical image of him getting in and out of the bath. So fucking what he wore a baker boy hat that one time? There actually aren’t that many fish in the sea.
Foid
Are you not married now? Don’t you have kids? You probably buy Mother’s Day cards for your wife. If you’re still using the term “foid,” you’re either divorced from reality or regretting never getting that prenup. Either way, it’s time to reevaluate your life choices.
40
Lit
Saying “lit” past the age of 40 just makes you sound like a white guy who works at Complex. We get it. You love rap music. You’re definitely not a racist.
Woke
God, just don’t worry about it alright? You live in the suburbs now. Concern yourself with what pedophiles live in the area instead.
Gooning
For a while, it might have seemed like a good idea to make porn your entire personality, approaching life like it’s one giant stash of Grok deepfakes. You thought this was different, funnier, better, than the compulsions of the generations of unhappily married sickos before you. But now look. They’re pulling up in the woods to wank in a BMW they own outright and you’re sneaking into the bathroom at 1AM to spend some quality time with your laptop and a fleshlight shaped like the sexy fish from Shark Tale. It’s time to unlearn some things, starting with the word “gooning.”
45
Peng
Are you a pedophile?
Wasteman
If the last time you uttered the word “wasteman” was in regards to the titular film (which you probably said was “very sobering”), you have no need to use this word anymore.
-maxxing [suffix]
You might be the youngest and most attractive person at the assisted-living facility, but please stop shouting at the nurses about “medmaxxing”—they’re not going to let you do crystal meth in here, no matter how much you insist it’s for fat loss.
Chud
Chances are your subcutaneous fat has devoured itself, and you spend each morning crying over the hollow wreckage of your face—so maybe let’s not comment on anyone else’s appearance ever again.
50
Lowkey
Yo bro, you just lowkey had your first prostate exam.
Aura
Obviously “aura” was a very real thing when you did kambo a few times after your divorce, but at this big age you need to grow up and admit that men only use “aura” these days when they’re too scared to say another man is attractive.
60
Gnarly
I mean, I bet at one point in time you were a bit like Sean Penn in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. But that was then, and now you’re 60. It’s pretty gnarly that you now go for a piss five times a night, but there’s little else, is there?
Chad
You were born at Peak Chad. Back then, there were extremely masculine christenings taking place every day, as Western society pumped out millions of Chads. Now, the name is going extinct—just like you and all your friends. It’s time to hop on TRT. Maybe after all this time you’ll actually develop the physique to match your vocabulary.
70
Grindset
At 70, the game is up. The only grind you’re doing now is trudging to the living room in smart-casual to watch daytime TV and lots of adverts about your impending death.
80
Clapped
The only time you can say “clapped” in your eighties is if you blurt it out mid-dementia episode. That would be quite funny, actually.
Boss
There’s a lot of mileage in “boss.” It’s ever-shifting, ever-relevant. But, increasingly, at this stage of life, the only boss you’re likely to encounter is the guy you’ll meet at the pearly gates. Honestly, though? I like boss. Fill your boots long past retirement.
100
Unc
When you’re young, being an unc feels unimaginable. With the passage of time, it creeps closer. One day you wake up and you are unc. But at 100? You’ve actually outlived the parameters of unc. Die now.
Pintmaxxing
The only thing getting between me and sinking beers is a coffin. That, or a degenerative disease—even then, I’d try it.
Swag
Making it to 100 is pretty swag, in fairness. There is no reason for anyone to be using this word at all unless they’re referencing the golden age of Tumblr rap or Justin Bieber’s 2025 studio album, the title of which suggests that his spirit is forever wandering the corridors of that era like a ghost in a snapback. But if you make it to 100 you can have this one back.
Follow Amber, Emma, and Adam on Instagram @amberawlings @emmaggarland @yungtolstoi
The post VICE’s Slang Amnesty: The Silly Words You’re Too Old to Say appeared first on VICE.
