In 2023, Lin Koh, her husband, and their two young children moved from Santa Clara, California, to France to help care for her husband’s mother, who lives in France and has Alzheimer’s.
“We were observing her decline, and we made the call,” Koh told Business Insider.
The Bay Area’s high cost of living also played a role. They hoped that by moving to France, they could lower their expenses, work less, and build a more balanced life.
Life in France looks very different from what it did in California. Koh and her husband, both of whom worked in tech, traded Silicon Valley’s fast pace for Fuveau, a small town near Aix-en-Provence, where they live with Koh’s in-laws.
Now, Koh and her husband share caregiving responsibilities for her mother-in-law. Their children attend a French-speaking school and have quickly picked up the language. Living in a multigenerational household has also meant less privacy, which Koh said has at times put pressure on her marriage. Still, she said the experience has ultimately brought the family closer together.
“It’s also brought a lot of opportunities to grow in a different direction,” Koh said.
Here are some of the biggest upsides and downsides of the move, according to Koh.
The cost of living is more affordable in France.
When the family first moved to France, they rented a five-bedroom house with a pool in the small village of Saint-Savournin for about $2,532 a month.
They now live in a 2,800-square-foot, five-bedroom, three-bathroom home. Koh said an equivalent home in California would have cost them twice as much to buy.
In addition to saving on housing, the family is also spending less on day-to-day expenses. Koh said their monthly grocery bill is about 30% lower, and expenses related to the kids — such as summer camp — are about 50% lower.
Koh said some things are more expensive, like gas, while their electricity costs are about the same. Still, their property taxes are much lower in France than in California.
The family spends more time with each other.
Living with her in-laws has been a big change. There is always someone else at home, and because life in France is more centered on cooking than takeout or DoorDash, Koh is now preparing meals for more people.
The family has also had to adjust to caring for her mother-in-law. While Koh’s father-in-law, along with a caregiver, handles more of those responsibilities, everyone in the household helps out — even the kids.
“The hardest part of this move has been seeing a loved one who was so capable change over time,” Koh said. “It’s also really tough for me because my kids don’t know their grandma the way she was before.
“But the time together has been really good,” she added. “I see how my son helps out, too — when he notices his grandma needs to drink more water, he’ll go get it for her. It’s really beautiful to see. It’s teaching my kids how to be nurturing, and it really emphasizes the importance of family.”
People in France “don’t live to work. They work to live.”
In California, Koh worked in marketing at a tech company, while her husband was an engineer at another tech company. The couple hoped that by leaving their fast-paced Silicon Valley jobs behind, they’d be able to enjoy life more and reconnect as a family.
While Koh now works as a brand manager, and her husband recently launched an app called Argoli, an AI support companion for older adults, she said the family’s work-life balance has shifted significantly in Europe.
“The first point of a lifestyle change is just getting away from Silicon Valley, and then the second layer is getting outside the US,” Koh said. “I think the US is very geared toward work. The amount of vacation people get in the US just doesn’t compare.”
Koh, who works from home, said she’s no longer working long hours and now gets a lot more time off — 37 vacation days a year in total.
“People here really focus on life outside work,” she added. “They don’t live to work. They work to live, and I find that refreshing. People know when to detach themselves from work.”
You have to work hard to build a community abroad.
Whether you’re moving to a new city or, in Koh’s case, across the world, building community can be difficult. It’s something Koh and her family have struggled with since relocating to France.
“You build your community through your workplace, friends, neighbors, and parents at your kids’ school,” Koh said. “We don’t have that yet in France, and we knew very few people before moving here. We’ve had to really reestablish all of those different access points to the community.”
Because Koh is not fluent in French, the isolation has felt even more pronounced. To build community, she joined several Facebook groups, which she said have helped her feel more at home.
“There are a lot of Facebook groups that are established around being a foreigner. They’ve been great and really supportive,” she explained.
Learning a new language can be difficult.
Koh is still learning how to speak French, which has made accomplishing some day-to-day tasks more difficult. As a result, her husband, a native French speaker, has taken on a larger role at home.
“Since being in France, my husband has really stepped up,” she said. “It hasn’t fundamentally changed our marriage, but there was initially more dependency on him because my French isn’t as good as his.”
Her kids, meanwhile, are thriving. Koh initially enrolled them in a private international school, but later withdrew them because they were still speaking too much English. After enrolling them in public school, she said both became fairly fluent within six months.
“Kids are sponges,” she said. “They now speak French to each other, even, and we sometimes have to remind them to speak English at home so they retain it. But they’ve adapted really well. I’d say we’ve been really, really lucky.”
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