Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Bones Instead of Brain
President Trump told Fox News on Friday that the war in Iran would end “when I feel it in my bones.”
“That’s the problem — he uses his bones to feel things instead of his brain,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.
“And the answer is he doesn’t know when this war is going to be over. The only war Trump had an exit plan for was Vietnam.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I wouldn’t trust your bones to feel anything, buddy. Your Jell-O bones are barely capable of keeping you upright for an entire speech. You spent the entire State of the Union clutching the podium like Jack clutching that piece of wood at the end of ‘Titanic.’” — SETH MEYERS
“That’s reassuring. Can’t wait until Trump goes on social media and posts, ‘feeling cute, might attack Sweden later.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Let’s Get This Strait Edition)
“As many of you know, war is God’s way of teaching Americans geography. And class is in session. I give you: the Strait of Hormuz.” — JON STEWART
“Of course, Gen Z will tell you, no Hormuz is a hundred percent straight. But it’s a passageway — choke point — for 20 percent of the world’s oil. Kind of a lazy river for fossil fuels — not to be confused with the strategic Iranian island of Kharg, which we also attacked. We attacked Kharg and Hormuz, because if we’ve learned anything from these past 20 years, it’s that America will bomb anywhere that has a Scrabble score above 12. Oh, we’ll get to you, Uzbekistan.” — JON STEWART
“In a new interview, President Trump said that he is working to secure the Strait of Hormuz with ‘numerous countries’ but would not name any of them. Wouldn’t or couldn’t? ‘[imitating Trump] Uh, Wakanda? They’re in.’” — SETH MEYERS
“In a new interview yesterday with The Financial Times, President Trump said he wants NATO countries to send warships to help secure the Strait of Hormuz. Oh, now you want NATO’s help? I can’t believe how quickly we went from ‘We have the greatest military in the history of the world’ to ‘Help us, Portugal. You’re our only hope!” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
Jon Oliver did a deep dive into America’s “first millennial vice president,” JD Vance, on Sunday’s “Last Week Tonight.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The cast and orchestra of Broadway’s “Chess” revival will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Show with Stephen Colbert.”
Also, Check This Out
Despite a lot of buzz and nine Oscar nominations in major categories, the cast and crew of “Marty Supreme” went home empty-handed at Sunday’s Academy Awards.
The post Jimmy Kimmel Says the ‘Only War Trump Had an Exit Plan for Was Vietnam’ appeared first on New York Times.
