DEAR ABBY: I have a new close friend, and I am conflicted about whether I should inform her about her husband’s misdeeds. Before we became close, I learned he had been sexting and sending nude photos to two women I know. He often makes inappropriate jokes. He recently sent me an inappropriate message, which, even if he was joking, made me uncomfortable.
My partner no longer wants to see them as a couple. It has put me in an awkward position. I love my friend and wonder if she should know about all of this. What should I do? — TRUTH-TELLER IN ARKANSAS
DEAR TRUTH-TELLER: Tell your new close friend everything and explain it is why you and your partner will no longer be socializing with her and her husband as a couple. If she doesn’t believe what you’re saying, see if she would be willing to speak with the two friends her husband has been bothering. She needs to be informed because it appears her husband has a problem that could affect her marriage.
DEAR ABBY: My sister “Maggie” had brain surgery to remove a cyst a year ago. She was left with memory deficits and is obese with balance issues. Maggie has been living with her daughter for the last several months. Her favorite activity is hanging out with her granddaughters. But her daughter, pregnant with her third child, and her military family are moving in seven months, and we need to make a plan for my sister. Maggie is resistant to any discussion of this and says she’ll “just go home and die.” What can we do? — SUPPORTIVE SIS IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SIS: Your sister is going to need someplace to live after your niece and her family move. Because you don’t know whether Maggie is still capable of living independently, it is important that she be psychologically and neurologically evaluated. A doctor with a specialty in neurology or geriatrics may be able to do that.
If Maggie can no longer live independently, the next step would be to research what assisted living facilities can provide her with the help she needs. If that is not feasible, a social worker may be able to assist in finding home care for your sister.
DEAR ABBY: A generous friend sent me an expensive gift, but it is something I already have. She can’t easily afford these gifts. I returned it to the merchant but, unfortunately, the refund will come to me instead of her. I would like to give my friend back the money.
She doesn’t need to give us anything in order to be our friend, but I worry that I’ll offend her. I have asked her many times to quit giving gifts, but she continues, and they aren’t gifts we can use. Her company is the only gift we need. Please advise. — PRESENCE, NOT PRESENTS
DEAR P.N.P.: I’ll try. Recognizing that this is a sensitive subject, have a conversation with this woman and explain that you treasure her friendship, but you do not need any more “things.” You have more of everything than you need. HOWEVER, if she is a baker, you would truly enjoy something from her oven. (“Nuthin’ sez lovin’ like …”)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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