My two children are graduating from college on consecutive weekends in May. What do I wear? I want to look sophisticated and appropriate but also relaxed. — Sarah, Westchester, N.Y.
Being a parent at a college graduation is not exactly the same as being a parent at a wedding, but it is not that different. In each case, you are a supporting act but one who plays a very public role, which will itself be preserved for posterity by assorted photographs documenting the moment.
That means that whatever choice you make, it’s not only going to be with you in perpetuity, but also with your child. It may, in fact, be displayed for viewing long after you are gone.
Yet in deciding how you want to show up in that moment, you and your own tastes are the least important elements in the calculation.
A graduation, like a wedding, is about the people at the center of the ritual: the graduates. Whatever you wear should be guided by their preferences, and children always have them. (When I picked mine up at school, on days when I wore a Rick Owens jumpsuit, they would ask me to meet them at the corner because they thought it was so weird.)
Your choice should be generic enough not to call attention to itself or, by association, you, while looking smart enough to make your progeny feel proud to show you off.
No pressure!
Tina Chai, a stylist who has worked with Tory Burch, Banana Republic and Jason Wu, suggests that for women the easiest options are straightforward pieces like tea dresses or shirtwaists but in elevated fabrics — a crisp cotton or linen in seaside or garden shades. Keep the patterns and accessories minimal.
For an example, see Brooke Shields, who wore a simple below-the-knee white linen shift dress to her daughter’s college graduation last year. It was summery but neat and subdued enough to recede into the background. Or Kimora Lee Simons, who chose a natty navy blazer with gold buttons over a white tee for her daughter’s graduation.
Another good option, for men and women: a linen blazer or a pantsuit.
A few further tips. First, avoid the trap of falling into school colors. Your child does not need you to act like a cheerleader for their educational institution. After all, they are now leaving it. In a similar vein, avoid the desire to engage in graduation gimmickry, like wearing a pin with your child’s face on it. They will not thank you.
Second, wear flat and/or very comfortable shoes. Many graduations take place on grassy, uneven ground, and all of them generally require a lot of walking and standing. You do not want to be tottering around in a sea of celebrants, terrified of twisting your ankle. And if you are wearing open-toe sandals, make sure you get a pedicure. Again, the goal is to avoid embarrassing your child.
Third, be aware that many schools have banned handbags and tote bags for obvious, if depressing, reasons. If you need to carry a phone or a wallet, pockets are your friend.
Finally, always consider the weather. If the graduation is outside, it could be breezy, so bring a wrap or a cardigan if you aren’t wearing a jacket, and don’t forget to apply sunscreen before you arrive. You could be sitting with no shade for hours, and ending the day with unsightly sunburn splotches does not convey the message that you are the older, wiser family member. The one who has, you know, already learned something.
Your Style Questions, Answered
Every week on Open Thread, Vanessa will answer a reader’s fashion-related question, which you can send to her anytime via email or X. Questions are edited and condensed.
Vanessa Friedman has been the fashion director and chief fashion critic for The Times since 2014.
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