Several months ago, I got a handwritten letter from my sister. We were raised to be prompt thank-you note writers, but this was a “just-because” note about her week.
She was inspired by “The Correspondent,” the best selling epistolary novel by Virginia Evans that we had both recently read: specifically, the way the main character exchanges letters with her former sister-in-law.
I promptly wrote her back, although we have since fallen into our routine phone calls and texts. Still, I kept thinking about how special her letter felt (listen, stamps are 78 cents these days).
What’s more, I remember being energized, almost giddy, when I was writing to her.
Was this just nostalgia? Maybe not. Research shows that writing by hand lights up multiple parts of your brain — areas that are associated with creativity, memory and your senses — in a way that emailing does not.
“It’s not that those areas aren’t engaged when you type, but the extent of engagement is much greater with handwriting,” said Audrey Duarte, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin.
And, of course, letters create connection. As Evans, the author of “The Correspondent,” told me, “Finding a handwritten letter addressed to you is a singular experience. You think, ‘I am sought out. I am seen.’”
Unlike chatting, writing makes you slow down and decide which details of your life are meaningful enough to share. This process can cement happy stories, Dr. Duarte said, much like taking notes in class can help you remember the material.
And letters can be comforting, tangible memories for loved ones when you’re gone, said Emily Johnston, an assistant teaching professor of writing studies at the University of California, Merced. “We are less likely to remember someone through their digital footprint,” she explained.
If you want to start a letter writing habit, or return to one, here are some tips from experts on how to get started.
Let go of your hang-ups
Don’t worry that your handwriting is bad or you lack fancy stationery, said Gina Hamadey, author of “I Want to Thank You,” a book about writing 365 thank-you notes in a year. “No one is expecting calligraphy,” she said. “It’s a treat to get something tactile, a memento.”
Likewise, don’t get bogged down by thinking you have nothing to say. If you are already sending a thank-you note or a birthday card, add something extra, like a funny, shared memory from childhood or a trait in your friend you’ve always admired.
Or you can borrow someone else’s words. Dr. Johnston said her best friend copies her favorite poems onto postcards with a quick, “I love this, and it made me think of you!”
Link it to a routine you already have
A friend of mine keeps a stack of notecards in her minivan to write while she waits in the car pool line. Dr. Johnston said she occasionally writes a letter when she sits down to eat lunch instead of scrolling her phone.
If you keep a journal, consider swapping one day to jot down thoughts to a friend. Letter writing is similarly meditative, Dr. Johnston said. If you are recounting a hard time, spelling it out to someone you trust can be calming, she said.
Consider keeping a sheet of stamps and notecards in the cover of your journal or the book on your night stand.
Reach out to a long-lost friend
Handwritten notes are a great way to contact someone when you aren’t sure what their reaction will be. You won’t see it. “It removes the pressure entirely,” said Dr. Johnston, whether you are worried about awkwardness (“Hi! I know it’s been a decade!”) or are bringing up an old wound and fear the person’s response. Slow communication gives everyone time to process.
Hamadey wrote to three estranged friends and got positive responses from all of them. “The letters repaired our relationships,” she said. “I went to the Whitney yesterday with one of them.”
End your letter with a question
In “The Correspondent,” the main character, Sybil Van Antwerp, peppers her letters with questions: “What are you reading?” and “Would you like to come have dinner?”
A question opens the door for a response. “It’s an invitation,” Dr. Johnston said. “Maybe you don’t get a letter back. But that friend might pick up the phone and call you. Maybe they go on vacation and think, ‘I’m going to send her a postcard.’”
My sister’s letter asked me what I was reading. I ended up mailing her my copy of “Flashlight,” by Susan Choi, which I had just finished. It cost much more than a 78-cent stamp, but she was delighted.
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