Since I was little, I’ve heard my dad say he was going to die young.
It’s not because my dad is a pessimist, but probably tied to the fact that my grandfather (his dad) died unexpectedly in his 50s. He was playing cards with his family and, out of nowhere, dropped dead. He had had a massive heart attack, and there was nothing to be done.
Because of this, my dad has always said we don’t have tomorrow. He has urged me to live every day at its fullest, because who knows what might happen.
For the longest time, I didn’t listen to him, but now that I’m in my 40s, I get him more than ever.
Getting older gives you perspective
My parents raised me to be very successful.
Their own parents didn’t finish school, and all had to flee Europe and start their lives again in Argentina. Both my parents were the first in their families to graduate from high school and go to college.
My parents wanted me to do better than they did. I was the first in my family, including all my cousins, to not only attend grad school but also do it at an Ivy League school.
Failure, in whichever form that comes, was not an option for me growing up. I took that expectation very seriously. Throughout my 20s and early 30s, all I did was focus on getting ahead at work, making more money, and climbing the corporate ladder. Both my parents had done that, so I had to outdo them.
Becoming a mom changed things
I had my first child at 34, and then twins at 36, and my perspective started shifting.
I’m not the person who has always dreamt of having a family. In fact, for a long time, I said I did not want to have kids. Meeting my now-husband changed that, and once we had our family of five, I wanted to pay more attention to them.
One of the biggest changes came when we decided to move from New York City to Maine. Part of it was a financial decision; we could not raise three kids in the city on our salaries. But we also wanted a slower pace of life, where we could actually watch our kids grow instead of merely shuttling them from one activity to the next.
But growing older comes with its challenges. My mother-in-law died when I was pregnant with my first child. My father-in-law died when the twins were 2. The more birthdays I celebrate, the more friends with terminal illnesses I have to keep tabs on.
I’m trying to live how he wants me to
So after decades of hearing my dad say we don’t have tomorrow guaranteed, I’ve finally started to listen to him.
Last year, we took a two-week family vacation to Sicily to see the town where my grandfather, the one who died in his 50s, was born. It was magical to walk down the same streets he walked when he was a kid.
I stopped telling my parents not to spoil my kids. It makes them happy, so now I let it be and deal with the clutter or the sugar high after, because who knows if this will be the last toy or ice cream they buy them?
I’ve also allowed myself to do things for myself. While I love bargains and will always check the clearance rack first when shopping, I’ve started indulging in things I’ve always wanted. I’ve prioritized making time for my friends and doing things together, like flying across the world to go see Taylor Swift for one show.
My dad has already outlived his dad by 26 years — something he never thought would happen. He lived his life thus far at his fullest, and I’m ready to outdo him on that, too.
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