This as-told-to essay is based on conversations with Martin Odum, 71, and his grandson, Noah. Odum is raising Noah with his wife in central Illinois. He previously raised his granddaughter and now cares full-time for Noah, who has spina bifida. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
We live in a little town in Illinois called Seneca in a mobile home, where we’ve been for four decades. My wife, now 74, and I have been married for 51 years.
I worked as an electrician and retired after 30 years. I retired on a Friday and started another job as a maintenance person on Monday because 52 was too young to retire. My wife worked for about 20 years at a refinery as a supervisor.
We’re raising our grandson, Noah, but we have 10 grandkids and three great-grandkids total. We love them all. We also raised Noah’s oldest sister, who’s 28 now and works as a nurse.
My son and his wife were very young when they had their daughter
He was 18, and she was 17. Their daughter was with us all the time, so she got attached to us. We never formally adopted her, but we saw her walk and talk first. We had her for about 10 years altogether.
Our son then got divorced and found a new girlfriend. They had two children together, one of whom was Noah.
For years, we had a house full of kids all the time. That’s just how my wife and I are. We do what we can for our family, and we work together on all our problems. That’s what parents are supposed to do.
Noah was born with spina bifida
Noah has had a really rough life. He learned everything on his own. I suspect that if he had been raised by us from a young age, he would probably walk with help today. I don’t think that’s possible now.
We took him in around Thanksgiving when he was in seventh grade. I had been retired from my maintenance job for four months when we got him. His father signed a paper to make us his temporary guardians, but to me, temporary is one day short of forever. We did that just so nobody bothers us. We’re not going to officially adopt him because he’ll graduate next year and attend a junior college.
I didn’t have the money to fight to get custody of him earlier in his life, and we didn’t want to lose the chance to see him at all. We just hoped it would work out.
When he started high school, he went out for shot put and discus
He’s gotten very good at it. We noticed we needed to get him as involved as we could because, with our granddaughter, the more she did competitive dancing, the better she did in school.
Last year, Noah won the state finals for the Class 1 wheelchair division in shot put and discus. We also got him involved with an adaptive sports association. He’s won four gold medals in archery, air rifle, shot put, and discus.
He’s in the school musical and has been every year since he was a freshman. His grades have gotten much better. We’re hoping he has a good life. He’ll be 17 in May.
People with disabilities are often ignored. I’m becoming more of an advocate for people like Noah.
Social Security helps us support him
My wife and I receive Social Security, and Noah’s on Social Security for his disability. I also get a small pension from my first job, and my wife has insurance through her former employer.
Noah’s stepmother was in the military, so he’s on military disability insurance. We haven’t had to pay much for medical care. I try to get grants to help with his athletics. We haven’t had to fight to get resources at his school.
We use his Social Security money for his needs. We make it work, and we try to do extra things for him. It’s tight a lot of the time, but we survive.
We don’t have much independence because we have no help
If we need somebody to watch him, my daughter steps in. We get a week off every year. Neither my wife nor I is a needy person, but I still never expected this.
There’s a lot of help for him in Illinois, and I’m hoping he does so well in sports that he can get scholarships. I’m not objecting to anything he wants to try. I always tell him he can do anything.
There are many people raising grandkids. There should be more help for people like us, especially when you’ve got kids with disabilities. Life is not easy for people with disabilities, so we’re just trying to get him through it.
Noah’s perspective
My middle school years were fine. I had some friends, but I switched to a new middle school. I didn’t feel like I needed to be there because I had no clue what I was doing and didn’t know anybody.
Eventually, I developed a stronger personal connection with my friends and my teachers. High school has been much better.
I hope to get my degree to become a veterinarian. I’ve always loved animals. I’ve had a pet rabbit and a cat.
My grandparents are really nice and great parents. They love me, and I love them back. We watch TV together and talk for a while. They come to my track meets and theater performances.
It wasn’t that challenging to adjust to living with them because it was really great for me to go there. I’m extremely happy that they sacrificed a lot to take me in. They treat me with respect and love. It’s just great.
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