As someone who fell in love with her best friend, I will forever recommend building a solid foundation of friendship before focusing on a romantic relationship. Dating your best friend is an experience unlike any other, as there’s an unmatched level of safety, playfulness, and emotional connection. But it doesn’t always work out that way.
According to a new study by the daily growth app Headway, 51 percent of people believe losing a friend would hurt them more than losing a romantic partner. Clearly, friendship holds merit over romance, but merging the two can be an incredibly rewarding experience. Take it from the 39 percent who said they’ve been romantically or sexually involved with a close friend.
Of course, the outcomes were varied: 14 percent said it strengthened the bond, while 16 percent said it created tension, and 9 percent said it ended the friendship entirely.
Sometimes, the friends-to-lovers trope is worth the risk—but only if you’re treating it as more than just a forbidden hookup.
For many, the line between best friend and a casual fling is thinner than they think.
Why Friends Become Flings So Often
Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., LCPC, NCC, a licensed counselor and relationship expert at the Headway app, explains the appeal of crossing the line from friends to flings.
“The connection we build with friends involves trust, sharing confidences, and feeling comfortable with them, so these factors can potentially make it easy to take a step into physical intimacy,” says Degges-White.
Falling for my best friend (now boyfriend) was gradual, but it ultimately felt like coming home. Having that sense of safety, understanding, and respect made the transition as seamless as possible.
Sure, it took some time to adjust to our new relationship. But having our friendship to fall back on made the process far less stressful and more lighthearted.
How to Go From Friends to Lovers
If you’re starting to view your friend as more than just another pal in your group, you’ll want to understand what, exactly, you want from the connection—and whether it’s worth the risk of losing that person.
“Once a friendship crosses that line, expectations may not align,” says Degges-White. “One person may want to deepen the relationship and explore where it could lead, while the other may still see it as something casual. It can create tension that ultimately causes the friendship itself to fall apart.”
Of course, if both parties are interested in the same dynamic—e.g., both want a relationship or both want casual sex—there’s less of a risk involved. But even so, feelings can change or develop, leaving one person heartbroken or craving more than the other can give them. Naturally, this can harm the core friendship beneath the sex and/or romance.
“When people are honest about their intentions, moving beyond friendship can sometimes strengthen their bond,” Degges-White explains. “However, those conversations rarely happen before decisions are consciously made. Once the dynamic changes, it can be difficult to go back to the level where things were before.”
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