Period dramas like Bridgerton, Wuthering Heights, and Outlander set some high (and oftentimes unrealistic) standards for viewers—especially when it comes to dating and intimacy. And while we might enjoy slipping into the fantasies they provide us, it’s important to spot the discrepancies between expectation and reality.
“Period dramas are wonderful escapism, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the fantasy; that’s exactly what fantasy is for,” says Emily Conway, CEO and Creative Director of Dragon Toys. “But it’s worth remembering that what you’re watching has been written, lit, costumed, and edited to within an inch of its life. The intimacy in those scenes is a performance; it shouldn’t be a template for you.”
Are you falling victim to the period drama hype? Here are six dating and intimacy myths fueled by your favorite shows and movies.
1. Chemistry Should Feel Explosive and Immediate
Chemistry isn’t always immediate. In fact, some of the best connections are slow burns, building over time through emotional intimacy.
Of course, in period dramas, this often isn’t the case.
“One of the most unhelpful myths around sex is that if the connection isn’t immediately overwhelming, something must be wrong,” says Emily. “Some of the best intimacy comes after people have relaxed into each other, after the nerves have settled, and trust has built. Instant fireworks are fun in fiction, but they’re not a benchmark.”
2. Bodies Look Flawless in Candlelight
A normal human body does not look like how it’s portrayed in these period dramas. We all have “flaws” like dimpled skin, stretch marks, and wrinkles, which, in my opinion, make us look even more beautiful.
“What you’re seeing is a carefully constructed aesthetic,” Emily explains. “The lighting, the angles, the editing, it’s all working together. When people start comparing their own bodies to that, they’re measuring themselves against something that isn’t real to begin with.”
3. Men Should Always Lead Confidently
Men are often expected to be self-assured and dominant in the bedroom, but don’t forget: they have insecurities like the rest of us. Not to mention, a good man checks in on his partner. Unfortunately, you won’t see much of this portrayed in period dramas.
“Real confidence in intimacy often looks like being comfortable enough to ask questions and check in,” says Emily. “That’s not weakness, and it’s actually what makes someone a good partner.”
4. Women Should Appear Effortlessly Responsive
Just as men battle unrealistic expectations in the bedroom, so do women. In fact, women often feel more compelled to perform than actually to enjoy themselves.
“The idea that a woman should just melt, instantly and completely, sets an expectation that leaves a lot of real women feeling like something is wrong with them,” Emily says. “Female pleasure is varied and specific. It shouldn’t be viewed as a complication because it’s just how it works.”
5. Sex Is Always Visually Beautiful
Spoiler alert: unlike the steamy scenes shown in period dramas, sex can be messy and complicated and sometimes even awkward. But when it’s with the right person, none of that will matter.
“When people are too focused on how things appear, they stop being present in the experience itself,” Emily notes. “The imperfect moments are usually the most human ones, and often the most enjoyable.”
6. Passion Replaces Communication
While the sex scenes can be alluring in period dramas, they rarely include any form of healthy communication between partners.
“Asking what someone wants, checking in, saying what you do and don’t enjoy is important. None of that kills the mood,” Emily says. “It just means both people actually get something out of it.”
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