Adrienne Meredith Raphel is so fond of games that she wrote a book about crossword puzzles in 2020. An altogether different game was on her mind four years later, when she connected with David Seth Rosenberg on Hinge.
For the first time in more than a decade of dating, Dr. Raphel had challenged herself: “What if I’m my whole self with David, the whole time?”
Dr. Raphel hadn’t been dishonest with men she had dated in the past. But she often felt compelled to maneuver around judgments that she is overly brainy and, by extension, unrelatable.
“I played around all the time on Hinge, with what degrees I was going to put on there, what things I wanted to be outward-facing,” she said.
Dr. Raphel, 37, grew up in different parts of New Jersey and later St. Johnsbury, Vt., with her parents and an older brother. She holds a bachelor’s in English and creative writing from Princeton, where she graduated summa cum laude. She also holds an M.F.A. in poetry from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, and has a doctoral degree in English from Harvard.
In addition to “Thinking Inside the Box,” her book about the culture and history of crosswords, she has published two books of poetry and is a professor of English at Baruch College in Manhattan.
When she moved to New York in 2021, her professional life was in full bloom, but her love life was lacking. “I was trying to get friends to set me up on dates, and I got on the apps, but nothing really clicked,” she said.
Hints that it was worth trying with Mr. Rosenberg started surfacing in March 2024, the same day Hinge connected them.
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Mr. Rosenberg, 35, is an actor, writer and tutor. His theater credits include roles in “Vladimir” at Manhattan Theater Club. In 2022, he was an understudy in the Broadway revival of “Death of a Salesman.”
He grew up an only child in Miami and, after his parents’ divorce and remarriages, gained five stepsiblings. At 18, he moved to New York for a bachelor’s degree in drama and political science at N.Y.U. After, he enrolled at the Juilliard School and graduated with an M.F.A. in acting.
By the time he met Dr. Raphel, he was living in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, and had been on what he estimated were hundreds of app dates. “I wrote a novel I still haven’t put out about a guy dating in New York, and how impossible it was,” he said.
But like Dr. Raphel, who was living in Fort Greene, Brooklyn, he sensed promise as soon as their first DM. “What are the odds of two people tangentially engaged with pizza at the same time?” he asked. Mr. Rosenberg had plans that night to make pizza with friends. Dr. Raphel had been discussing a crossword clue involving Chuck E. Cheese and New York’s infamous Pizza Rat the same day.
Riffing about other Italian food-loving rodents gave rise to the sense that, when it came to quickness and wit, they were well matched. That was reinforced on their first date in March 2024 at Covenhoven, a Crown Heights beer garden, where both discovered neither particularly liked beer.
“Adrienne ordered pickles and olives, which we both liked way more,” he said. A flurry of late-night, postdate texts followed; a second date was in the works before either had a chance to second guess whether they had finally found someone they could feel like themselves around.
A little over a year later, in May 2025, they were so deeply in love that they did the unthinkable by New York real estate standards: broke their leases to move in together.
The landlord of an apartment Dr. Raphel found in Fort Greene had asked potential tenants to write personal letters about themselves before making her selection. Mr. Rosenberg mentioned in his letter that he planned to propose if given the green light to move in. (Dr. Raphel was none the wiser at the time.)
They had just finished unpacking on May 24 when he did, on one knee, with Peggy Lee’s rendition of “Just In Time” playing in the background.
“We were in our mid-30s,” he said. “We’re not spring chickens.”
They danced to the same song at their Feb. 28 wedding at the Coral Gables, Fla., home of Mr. Rosenberg’s father and stepmother. The ceremony and backyard reception were attended by 196 guests. Jennifer Mackenzie, Dr. Raphel’s high school English teacher, was ordained by the Universal Life Church to officiate.
Their handwritten vows hinted at their mutual love of words. Dr. Raphel quoted from Emily Dickinson’s definition of poetry; Mr. Rosenberg laid bare the uncomfortable depths of his love.
“Adrienne,” he said. “I love you with an intensity that, if I observed it in anyone else, I would find tacky and disingenuous.”
The post He Loves Crosswords. She Wrote the Book on Them. appeared first on New York Times.
