When you think of Rodney Dangerfield, “romance” likely isn’t the first thing that springs to mind. After all, the comedian spent most of his career playing a pathetic schlub onstage who was constantly being disrespected by his wife, and what could be less romantic than that? However, by the early 1990s, Dangerfield decided he wanted to branch out into other areas of entertainment. The first stop on his journey away from stand-up comedy was the 1994 Oliver Stone movie Natural Born Killers, in which Dangerfield took on his first dramatic role as Juliette Lewis’s abusive father, Ed Wilson.
In an interview with the Los Angeles Times from the week before the movie’s premiere, Dangerfield was asked what he could possibly follow such a performance with. “The idea is to keep busy,” the comic said. “To do nothing is tough. I love stand-up, but I haven’t done any in more than a year.” Dangerfield continued, “I’m concentrating on these creative projects instead, these three films that I’ve written, with a friend of mine.” One of those projects, he revealed, was a “wild” and “totally fictional” film called My Love Affair With La Contessa.
For whatever reason, the movie never came to fruition, but the idea materialized as an audiobook the following year, released under the shortened title La Contessa. Narrated by Dangerfield, it’s what you might call a romance novel on tape, presented as the private diary of a supposedly great lothario. That lothario, by the way, also looks exactly like Dangerfield—if the illustrated cover is any indication—except that he has six-pack abs and muscles to go along with that unmistakable mug.
At some point in the process, Dangerfield must have switched his plan, because the second half of the album is just a recording of him doing his typical stand-up routine and has no connection to the love story. But that doesn’t mean the romantic portion of the tape is devoid of humor; in fact, the risqué tale plays out pretty much exactly like you’d imagine one of Dangerfield’s fantasies would.
Take, for example, this description he gives of his character’s manhood: “When I was very young, I knew I was built extra large. At 16, I entered a three-legged race by myself. All my life, I had the same sexual problem: I couldn’t get it down.” Later, he recalls an encounter with his lover, La Contessa, like so: “As I was undressing, she looked faint, so I gave her mouth-to-breast resuscitation.” This is all complete with the type of background music and sound effects you’d expect to hear in the audiobook version of a legitimate steamy romance novel, and Dangerfield’s tone remains serious throughout the recording, despite the story’s humorous undertones.
Take a listen to the album for yourself below.
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