Nothing makes me happier than having all my chickens back in my nest. By chickens, I mean my five offspring.
Today, our flock is bigger, including wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, grandchildren, and assorted dogs and cats. And that’s the challenge. When it was once a given that all of us would occupy the same physical space and enjoy each other’s company, now it takes an event of monumental proportions to get us together.
My son’s wedding put us all in the same room
The last time our family was all together was to celebrate my youngest son’s wedding two years ago. It was the first time the significant others who live on opposite coasts met, and the first time the aunt and uncles were introduced to their niece and nephew. It was lovely to sit among the family and watch bonds form and tighten, but the time wasn’t nearly long enough.
I’d envisioned a weekend of activities like leisurely brunches and deep conversations lasting into the night, but travel, baby schedules, and work commitments, to say nothing of the last-minute details to finalize for the ceremony, all conspired to upend my plans. Our time was short, but meaningful, and it made me yearn for more.
Our family text chain is a poor substitute for in-person time
We started a family text chain during the pandemic and shared images of meals we were cooking, books we were reading, and the limited activities we engaged in during lockdown.
Occasionally, I’ll use it now to prompt a conversation, but full participation is difficult. We live in 3 time zones, so it’s close to impossible to sustain a lively exchange. I’ve also learned that for my kids’ generation, texting is no longer the way to converse; it’s become a limited means for exchanging essential information.
None of us is a fan of FaceTime or 3-way calling, so we rarely chat by voice. The women in the family used Zoom during COVID, but that was a one-and-done experience.
Holidays do not bring us together
Holidays are especially problematic. The last time we celebrated Christmas together was 2019. Most of us were living here in the same city, so it was easier to accommodate schedules, but that was before the marriages and babies. Now, as the clan expands, it’s even more important to me for us all to spend time together; however, with spouses come in-laws who also want what I want — the entire family sitting around the table enjoying a meal.
I understand that, so it hasn’t been difficult to compromise. I’ll even participate. I’ve shared Thanksgiving dinner with another son’s girlfriend’s mother and New Year’s Eve with my other daughter-in-law’s parents, too. A few years back, half of our family rented an Airbnb in Vermont and spent an idyllic week with some of my daughter-in-law’s family.
I’m the thread that binds us
When I was a teenager, long before I even considered becoming a mother, I watched the made-for-TV movie, “The Gathering,” about a family of five adult children who come home for a final Christmas celebration with their dying father. In my favorite scene, all the kids clamor into bed with their mother to share reminiscences of growing up. To me, that’s family goals, although it’s highly unlikely my four boys and daughter would ever climb into bed with me!
I’ve come to accept that our family is a group of individuals living distinctly different lives. I’m the thread that binds us. It’s the stretchy kind because we need to be elastic to flex and adapt to ever-changing circumstances.
We have another wedding next year, and I’m looking forward to us all celebrating. Wouldn’t it be great if it’s a destination wedding? We could rent a house and spend a few days all in one space. That’s my plan, but I’m not sure the bride and groom will agree. They’re early in the planning, and I’m unlikely to get much say. That doesn’t matter. I’ll enjoy whatever time we actually get communing as a family.
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