Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘FIFA Secretary of Homeland Security’
President Trump fired Kristi Noem as homeland security secretary on Thursday, announcing her new role as “special envoy for the Shield of the Americas” on Truth Social.
“Sounds like someone’s about to become the FIFA secretary of homeland security,” Stephen Colbert said.
“Before we find out any more information about what happened, I just want to say with absolute certainty she is a domestic terrorist who deserves to go to Gitmo. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m being told that is not true. But you know what? I acted on the information we had at the time.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“And now that she’s going to be gone, the Trump administration is going to be great!” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“You heard Trump, Kristi. Time to turn in your badge and your cowboy hat and your bigger cowboy hat and your flak jacket and your night-vision goggles and your firefighter costume. Oh, and also your camel — what was your job again?” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“Trump said that Noem will become special envoy for the Shield of the Americas. Even the FIFA Peace Prize was like ‘That sounds made-up.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“You know it’s a promotion when the job was just invented six minutes ago using refrigerator magnets. I can’t wait to see what outfit she’ll wear for that.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“What? Kristi Noem is out? But where is she going to get the money for all her wonderful costumes? We were only months away from her showing up as both leads from ‘Wicked.’” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (No More Noem Edition)
“Meanwhile, President Trump fired DHS secretary Kristi Noem, and no one is more disappointed than her dogs.” — GREG GUTFELD
“You never know with Trump — he either thinks she’s bad at her job or he wants her to be the new supreme leader of Iran.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yep, Noem is the first cabinet secretary Trump’s fired since returning to office. He was, like, ‘Man I forgot how good this feels. Get Kash Patel in here!” — JIMMY FALLON
“The funniest thing would be if they deport her to El Salvador.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
The “Project Hail Mary” star Ryan Gosling surprised his wife Eva Mendes with a marching band birthday on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
With his sincere love of performing live, the “Just in Time” star Jonathan Groff has established himself as Broadway leading’s man.
The post Late Night Isn’t Sad to See Kristi Noem Leave Homeland Security appeared first on New York Times.
