Sometimes, the most gut-wrenching breakups are those that occur when one partner slowly falls out of love with the other.
When getting into a relationship, no one wants to believe that they might someday lose feelings for the person they’re committing to—or the other way around. However, many people outgrow (or grow in a different direction) the very person they fell head-over-heels for, losing the strong bond they once shared. That’s a risk we all take in dating.
But how might we notice these subtle yet persistent shifts in our romantic affection for someone? Here are five signs you’re falling out of love with your partner.
1. You Don’t Want to Share News With Them
Your partner should be one of the first people you want to call with any sort of news, whether it’s good or bad. If you can’t find comfort or support from your partner, both in the anxiety-provoking and the exciting, successful moments, they might not be your person.
For example, let’s say you just landed the career or promotion of your dreams. Do you want to call your partner immediately to tell them, or do you worry they would be unenthusiastic or downright discouraging?
What about if you received bad news about your health? Would you want to call your partner for support, or do you feel they would only make the situation worse? These are important questions to ask yourself.
2. You Lack Intimacy
Before I make this point, I’d like to acknowledge that there are many forms of intimacy. Sex isn’t the only form of connection, and many healthy relationships experience dry spells. This doesn’t automatically mean you’ve fallen out of love with your partner.
However, if there is no form of intimacy within your relationship (e.g., no holding hands, no deep conversations, no cuddling), or you actually dread being close to them—whether emotionally, physically, or sexually—you might be losing feelings. At the very least, it’s worth a conversation to understand where the disconnect is. Perhaps resentment is brewing in someone, or maybe you’re both just taking each other for granted.
3. You’re Already Grieving Your Connection
If you’re actively grieving your relationship while still committed to your partner, you might be losing feelings for them. Perhaps there’s a part of you still holding onto who they used to be or the love you used to share. This is a painful period to endure, but it’s often indicative of a much larger, deeper disconnect.
4. You Feel More Annoyed Than In Love
No matter how in love you are with them, your partner is bound to annoy you from time to time. However, if they constantly set you off—or you’re just filled with rage at the thought of them—you might have some resentment brewing within you. This can quickly snowball into a loss of love or even respect for them.
It’s hard to feel anything positive toward someone whose mere existence pisses you off. If all you feel when you look at your partner is anger or annoyance, you might not see those once-endearing qualities that attracted you in the first place. Or perhaps they’ve become the very traits you now resent.
5. You No Longer Seek Ways to Make Them Happy
Love is in the little things—morning coffee, home-cooked meals, surprise flowers…When you’re no longer motivated to show up for your partner in these small ways, no longer interested in making them happy, it’s a clear sign you’re falling out of love. In which case, it’s probably time for a hard conversation.
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