Around one in every 25 romantic relationships in America is consensually non-monogamous — and that number is rising each year.
And while open relationships are becoming less taboo, many people pursue them only to revert to monogamy after a short amount of time.
Dr. Justin R. Garcia, the executive director of the Kinsey Institute, says there’s been a surge of interest in swinging and polyamory since the mid-2000s, but many couples quickly find out it’s not for them, per Business Insider.
The doc gave three reasons why many prefer monogamy after dipping their toes into polyamory, saying the first is simply the most obvious.
“Most people don’t have the biological, psychological, and social tools to love more than one person at a time,” he declared.
Garcia added that, in addition to the emotional labor, being in an open relationship often requires additional time to keep multiple partners satisfied.
Extra communication is also needed for non-monogamy, Garcia asserts, which is the second reason why lovers close their relationships.
For all participants in a polycule to feel seen and heard, questions are constantly arising.
“Even casual polyamorous encounters take substantial effort and negotiation,” he declared.
Such questions include: “Who needs more touch? Less? Who is feeling neglected? Who needs more time with whom? What is the state of things between each member of the polycule and each of the others?”
Finally, many couples open their relationships believing that sexual exploration could help fix issues that they have.
However, according to Garcia, they quickly revert to monogamy after realizing that polyamory only amplifies their problems.
“The same issues that plague monogamous relationships — mismatched libidos, jealousy, boredom, and more — tend to surface in consensually non-monogamous ones.
However, the sexpert clarified that many people successfully manage non-monogamous relationships, and that all sorts of arrangements can often work without a hitch.
“While consensually open relationships might not work for everyone, or even for most people, there are many people for whom they do work perfectly well,” he stated.
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