February isn’t just for couples. While candlelit dinners, slow dances and fancy chocolates can be enchanting, some people are spending at least part of their Valentine’s Day with close friends — a celebration affectionately called Galentine’s or Palentine’s.
Friendships, it turns out, play a meaningful role in our mental and physical health and well-being. Close friends can provide emotional support, practical help and perspectives outside of romantic partners, said Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University.
“We shouldn’t rely on one person to meet all our needs,” she said, explaining that people need different kinds of relationships — intimate relationships with partners, close friends, even acquaintances — to fulfill different kinds of needs.
What science says about friendships
Strong social connections, especially high-quality ones, are associated with psychological and physiological payoffs. Friendships may reduce the risk of mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, and may influence how you respond to stress and help you see things from a different perspective, research shows. One study found that people who imagined a friend before estimating the steepness of a hill perceived it to be less steep than those who imagined a neutral person or someone whom they disliked, suggesting that social support can make challenges in our physical environment seem less daunting.
Quality matters, however. From their research, Holt-Lunstad and her colleagues found that ambivalent relationships — in which you may have both positive and negative feelings, such as a friend who is fun but unreliable — were linked to higher blood pressure in participants when they were discussing negative life events with them, suggesting that these type of friendships may not be as helpful during stressful times as more stable friendships.
And in general, people with stronger social relationships tend to live longer than those who are more isolated. A large meta-analysis found that social isolation, loneliness and living alone were each associated with an increased mortality risk of roughly 26 percent to 32 percent.
Still, society doesn’t always place equal value on committed romantic relationships and friendships, said Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist and author of “Single at Heart.”
If it did, “people would ask about our friends as routinely as they ask about our spouses or romantic partners. They would include friends in invitations to social events. People would celebrate the silver and golden anniversaries of their friendships and the important people in their lives would be eager to celebrate with them,” she said.
How to cultivate healthy friendships
While romantic partners can provide a unique love and intimacy, close friends can also offer an understanding ear when you need to talk through health problems or complicated family dynamics. Co-workers can better understand work-related challenges. A workout buddy can be a person with a shared interest who helps you get out and have fun, experts said.
While people may bond with friends in different ways — through emotional connection or shared interests, for instance — here are some tips from experts on how everyone can build and maintain healthy friendships.
- Be accessible. Repeatedly demonstrate to your friends that you’re available and that they can come to you for support both in moments of celebration and crisis. Being there both for the good times and bad helps build and maintain strong relationships, said Paul Eastwick, a professor of psychology at the University of California at Davis and author of “Bonded by Evolution.” To be accessible, establish a routine — a weekly lunch date with a colleague, an exercise class with teammates, a standing phone or video call or a monthly get-together with a group of close friends.
- Be responsive — and reciprocate. When friends confide in you, be receptive. Let them know you’re interested in what they have to say. Likewise, confide back in them to establish a mutual level of responsiveness, Holt-Lunstad said.
- Be engaged. When a friend comes to you with something that’s important to them — whether it’s positive or negative — go beyond interest. Listen, ask questions to gain a better understanding and empathize with friends who may be going through a challenging time.
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