Every February, you can almost set your watch by the flurry of mysterious celebrity stunts. Guy Fieri cut off his famous frosted tips? Chris Hemsworth’s listed on the org chart at Amazon? And the Super Bowl’s just around the corner? Hm, you don’t say.
In addition to finding out about Hemsworth’s new job and Fieri’s cubicle-friendly makeover, we also learned why William Shatner’s been photographed by paparazzi cozying up to boxes of Raisin Bran. Here are the best, worst and weirdest of this year’s Super Bowl commercials.
Best one-woman show: Pringles
She sings, she dances, she acts — and if this ad, along with hosting the Seth Rogen revival of “The Muppet Show,” is any indication, Sabrina Carpenter can vamp her way through a multicharacter scene without even needing another human. In this spot for Pringles, in which Carpenter builds a boyfriend out of Pringles, watches him accidentally die and then eats his crunchy remains, the former Disney actress shows she can do it all by herself — and my hunch is she wouldn’t mind the innuendo.
Best casting: Hellmann’s
Now and again you encounter an ad that shouldn’t work, but does, solely on the strength of the talent involved. So congratulations, Hellmann’s, on this achievement in casting. This premise (a sandwich-themed Neil Diamond wannabe lives in a restaurant and sings modified Diamond hits to patrons) and all the character’s increasingly weird non sequiturs (“I live in the walls!”) hang together only because they’re delivered by our greatest maestro of comedy songs with bizarre premises and weird non sequiturs: Andy Samberg. And bonus points for Elle Fanning’s perfect “No, thank you.”
Best revisionist history: Xfinity
What if Jurassic Park’s famously tense security-system-failure scene had abruptly ended with an Xfinity technician announcing that the system was actually back up and running and the dinosaurs were safely confined to their enclosures after all? Jeff Goldblum could have relaxed by the pool with a cocktail; Laura Dern and Sam Neill could have just enjoyed a nice romantic weekend observing brontosauruses. “If this 20th-century movie had 21st-century tech, it’d be two minutes long” is sometimes a tired joke by now, but this one feels well-earned.
Most counterproductive advertising strategy: Alexa+
I’m sorry, do you mean to tell me that this short horror film about all the ways an AI house manager could conceivably kill you is supposed to make me want to buy said AI house manager? After the consistent drip of cautionary tales about AI exerting undue influence over people’s lives, this ad’s so-called happy ending — the Alexa system finally wins over Chris Hemsworth by offering to book him a fancy massage — just feels dystopian.
Cleverest sidestepping of FCC profanity rules: Raisin Bran
By shortening the name of its star, William Shatner, to “Will Shat,” this Raisin Bran ad really earns its right to make a whole commercial about pooping. Will Shat … every day, we learn, after switching to the fiber-rich Raisin Bran. “Will Shat on a car!” someone exclaims, and Shatner, atop a gold SUV, throws out Raisin Bran samples to … tailgating Raisin Bran fans? Whatever. Listen, props to the cereal in the purple box for gamely playing to its strengths.
Second-best bathroom humor: Liquid I.V.
Who am I to refuse a chorus of singing toilets? Graffitied public toilets, carpeted ’70s toilets, posh toilets in marble bathrooms — when they’re musically imploring you to assess the color of your pee, who could say no?
Priciest nostalgia play: Dunkin’
Jennifer Aniston, Matt LeBlanc, Jason Alexander, Ben Affleck, Ted Danson, Alfonso Ribeiro and Jaleel White — all actors with iconic ’90s TV and film roles — reprise them for an “unreleased sitcom version” of “Good Will Hunting.” Between the high-profile casting and the copious use of de-aging CGI, the budget for this spot must have rivaled that of the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics.
Biggest plot twist: Novartis
From the first moment we see a gloved finger dipping into a serene blue pool to the soothing sound of Enya’s “Only Time,” this ad immediately intrigues — and then takes us for a ride we couldn’t have predicted. Real NFL tight ends including George Kittle, Colby Parkinson, Rob Gronkowski and Tony Gonzalez show up in various states of blissful repose: stroking a horse, getting a scalp massage, easing into a warrior pose on a yoga mat.
And then! Surprise — it’s about butts! “Relax your tight end,” Gronk says, as former NFL coach Bruce Arians promotes “finger-free” prostate cancer exams. Between this, the Raisin Bran spot and the Levi’s ad that gave us close-ups of Levi’s-clad butts, this has been a real year of the rear.
Most self-aware celebrity performance: Fanatics
Every line of this Fanatics Sportsbook ad — in which a winking, winsome Kendall Jenner explains she got rich not by modeling but by betting on the “Kardashian Kurse” that befalls every NBA player she dates — simply hits. “This pool? Basketball boyfriend No. 1 missed the playoffs. I guess nobody was getting a ring in this house,” she quips. Revving the engine of a dazzling vintage car, she smirks, “Do you like this bad boy? Boyfriend 2 flopped right out of the league.” Now she’s moving on to football players, she announces. With apologies to Ben Simmons and the rest of Kendall’s lost loves, this is a delight.
Least self-aware celebrity performance: Nerds
I didn’t know how much I never wanted to hear anyone whoop out the words “Work it, gummy!” until Andy Cohen did exactly that. By the time we got to “Crunchy couture!” the secondhand embarrassment was too much to bear. Justice for Nerds Gummy Clusters. They deserved better than this.
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