If you’re in a long-distance relationship, you likely understand the struggle of spending important dates apart. Think: birthdays, holidays, and—of course—the often-dreaded Valentine’s Day. These special occasions can make the physical distance between you and your partner feel even more unbearable.
According to recent research, the lack of physical intimacy is cited as the hardest part of long-distance relationships. In fact, about 66 percent of couples mentioned it as the main challenge. What’s more, 63 percent of couples in long-distance relationships said their misaligned schedules often lead to poor communication and misunderstandings,
Additionally, 51 percent of people consider long-distance a dealbreaker in dating.
Just over a year ago, I would have been part of that 51 percent. However, after meeting my boyfriend, whose work takes him away for months at a time, I realized some people are worth the distance.
Still, that doesn’t make the challenge any easier. And during this time of year, with Valentine’s Day on the horizon, those difficulties are only highlighted.
If you’re struggling with your long-distance relationship right now, you’re not alone—though you might physically be. Experts at TouchNote have partnered with relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass to help long-distance couples stay connected this Valentine’s Day. Here are four tips she shared.
1. Focus on Consistent Habits, Not Grand Gestures
While grant gestures might seem like a good choice for Valentine’s Day, consistency is far more important. If you’re not showing up in the small yet important ways every day, that flashy bouquet or expensive jewelry will only take you so far.
“Clear expectations help maintain healthy relationships,” says Vass. “Whether it’s daily check-ins, showing curiosity about the partner, giving them compliments, showing appreciation for them, or creating times to connect digitally or IRL, the consensus seems to be that small consistent habits are the ingredients to making relationships work as opposed to infrequent grand gestures.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t splurge on a nice gift this Valentine’s Day. Just make sure you’re not using it as a quick fix to a deep disconnect.
2. Prioritize Communication
Good communication can help couples work through the most challenging times—especially during periods of long distance. When you’re not consistently seeing your partner in person, it’s easy to feel disconnected, as though you don’t have a partner.
“In the absence of physical connection, communication is a priority for those in long-distance relationships, but there is no universally set amount that works for every couple,” says Vass. “It may be more helpful to think about it in terms of quality rather than quantity or frequency, and reflect upon whether you feel fulfilled by that amount.”
3. Send a Heartfelt Card
Any time my boyfriend asks me what I want for a holiday or special occasion, I give the same response: a heartfelt card with a handwritten note. Sending your lover a personal card is more intimate than most superficial physical items.
“With a handwritten note or a card, someone had to seek out a card, purchase it, or create it, then write a thoughtful message, source a stamp, and get to a letter box, all activities which demonstrate effort and intention,” says Vass. “Physical objects can act like emotional shortcuts, activating our memory and our emotions more intensely than digital messages or texts.”
4. Celebrate Valentine’s Day Virtually
Just because you’re in a long-distance relationship doesn’t mean you can’t still celebrate Valentine’s Day with your lover.
“Thanks to video calls, couples can celebrate the occasion together through shared experiences like having dinner together, playing a game, or watching a film,” says Vass. “You can also get creative with surprise in-person or electronic deliveries, handwritten cards, photos, or voice notes.”
The post 4 Tips for a Romantic Valentine’s Day as a Long-Distance Couple appeared first on VICE.
