“Bridgerton,” Netflix’s popular Regency romance, is a TV show that has always featured a lot of sex. Traditionally, it’s steamy and satisfying sex that erupts onscreen after an extended period of yearning.
Until now. The first batch of episodes from Season 4 follow Francesca — the introverted Bridgerton daughter whose love story unfolded in Season 3 — as she struggles to orgasm with her new husband. Or, as the show calls it, reach her “pinnacle.”
In search of answers, Francesca stumbles through a conversation with her mother, confides in her sister-in-law (also a newlywed, and clearly having way more fun in the bedroom) and, eventually, talks about it with her husband.
This may not be the stuff of great fantasy, but some sex therapists are happy the show has taken on the orgasm gap — still a persistent issue in this day and age. A 2024 study found that men of all sexual orientations reported higher rates of orgasm during intercourse than women did. Gay and bisexual women also reported higher orgasm rates than their heterosexual counterparts.
Lauren Fogel Mersy, a psychologist, sex therapist and “Bridgerton” viewer, praised the show for taking on the “not so glamorous side of what sex can look like.”
“There are systems that have taught us that women should be orgasming from penetrative sex, so if not, there’s something wrong with you or something wrong with your partner,” Dr. Fogel Mersy said. “I like to normalize that there are a lot of people who experience that orgasm gap.”
Therapists who counsel couples on their sex lives shared a few ways to broach the topic in a relationship.
Redefining What Sex Means
Sexuality is complex and relationships are complex. But the driving factors behind the orgasm gap are not all that complicated, argued Laurie Mintz, a psychologist, sex therapist and author of “Becoming Cliterate.”
“The two main reasons for the orgasm gap,” she said, “are not enough and not the right kind of clitoral stimulation.”
Women almost always orgasm during masturbation, Dr. Mintz noted, adding that they are more likely to orgasm when having sex with another woman than with a man.
“What do all of these scenarios have in common?” she asked. “Intercourse is not the main event. And there is more clitoral external stimulation.”
Of course, there are all kinds of reasons intimacy can be unsatisfying. Partners may have libido differences, or struggle with body image or stress. Sometimes, by the time you tell a partner exactly what you want, you’re no longer in the mood, Dr. Mintz said.
That is why sex therapists often urge people to redefine what sex can mean — to focus it on exploration and pleasure, rather than moving through a script that culminates in penetration.
One simple strategy is for women to masturbate during partnered sex, Dr. Mintz said — something she acknowledged can be uncomfortable for many people and that requires trust and deep intimacy.
She noted vibrators can also be an effective addition to a couple’s repertoire — pointing to a small study that found that, among women with persistent orgasm challenges, 93 percent climaxed when using a them.
Implementing these changes in bed can require unlearning traditional notions about sex, Dr. Mintz said, which is not easy.
Communicating With Curiosity, Not Defensiveness
The new season of “Bridgerton” shows Francesca struggling to talk to her trusted and beloved husband about sex — and that dynamic is real, the experts said.
“Sex is hard to talk about,” Dr. Mintz said. “But the research is also crystal clear: Couples that talk about sex have better sex.”
Dr. Fogel Mersy says it helps to focus on stating your desires clearly and positively.
“Instead of saying, ‘Here’s what doesn’t work,’ or ‘Here’s what I don’t like,’ you’re going to lead with what’s interesting — what you’d like to try,” she said. “It becomes more of an invitation rather than a critique.”
If a woman has faked orgasms with a partner — as Francesca does in a scene — that can add a layer of complication to any conversations about sex and pleasure, Dr. Fogel Mersy said. One study suggested anywhere between 30 and 75 percent of women have faked an orgasm at some point.
Some of her clients tell their partners they have faked orgasm. Others simply initiate a switch in their sexual routine by saying things like: “My body is responding differently” or “I think my needs have changed,” she said.
Dr. Fogel Mersy gives the “Bridgerton” characters high marks for how they’ve handled the situation thus far: Francesca, for summoning the courage to ask questions and to fight for her own pleasure, and her husband, John, for responding with curiosity and not defensiveness.
Not all partners respond so graciously to the revelation that their lover isn’t reaching her “pinnacle.” Some “see it as an attack on their sexual prowess,” Dr. Fogel Mersy said.
That’s why seeing and learning more about the orgasm gap can be so useful for viewers, she added.
“It‘s understandable that some people bypass those conversations and just kind of act as if everything’s OK,” she said, but “that is not helping anybody’s sex life.”
Catherine Pearson is a Times reporter who writes about families and relationships.
The post ‘Bridgerton’ Tackles the Orgasm Gap appeared first on New York Times.
