Clavicular: The Jestermaxxing Heart Throb Shouting ‘Heil Hitler’

Of all the famous Americans shouting Nazi slogans on the internet, Clavicular is by far the most handsome. This is no mean feat. The number of famous Americans shouting Nazi slogans on the internet seems to grow by the day, and to remain ahead of the chasing pack, the 19-year-old streamer (real name Braden Peters) has resorted to drastic measures that include hitting himself in the face thousands of times with a hammer and smoking meth to keep the weight off of his cheeks. For Clav, this elaborate beauty regime is already bearing fruit, as many terminally online children now recognize him on the rare occasions they venture out into the street, and his anointment as the figurehead of looksmaxxing—a mostly online post-incel subculture that you have probably already seen described as “dangerous,” “obsessive,” and “extreme” by sensible media outlets like the BBC—has led to his adoption by other famous American Nazi-slogan shouters; the gang is currently fortifying its fame by debasing itself on nights out together.

The other day, Clavicular got up off his vanity table in “the most narcissistic corner of the internet” and headed for Florida, to roadtest his well-oiled routine of rampaging through the streets like a TikTok Patrick Bateman looking for people to seduce or offend. No one got run over by a Cybertruck this time, but the whole thing was still a bit of a car crash; a picture caption on celebrity gossip site Page Six described how “a group of extremists partied at a Miami nightclub called Vendome this weekend,” with footage showing Clav and his cadre of alpha chads dancing in a club with hangers-on and, more controversially, shouting “Heil Hitler!” while sieg heiling on the journey there.

The trip was broadcast live, and 150,000 followers seeking fresh insights into his pickup game tuned in on Kick. (Why is it that these streaming services are all named after something a body might involuntarily do after sex—or, perhaps more appropriately when considering a fandom made up of wrathful and impotent young men, being publicly executed?) As it spread across every social media platform going, tens of millions more subsequently saw the footage, which included brief clips of Clavicular goofily dancing around in the club. One overexcited fanboy on X summed up this epochal moment with a tweet that went viral for how embarrassing it was: “Clavicular just cracked the code: JESTERMAXXING at the club is officially the new meta.” For those too stupid to figure out what jestermaxxing is, this TikTok outlines the basic idea, which is that you’ll be more attractive if you appear that you “simply don’t care”—an interesting choice for Clavicular, someone who cares so much about his appearance that he hopped on testosterone at 14 (resulting, apparently, in infertility before the age of 20).

Although in the clips that surfaced online he appears to strike out, with one woman rejecting him in favor of a pizza, Clavicular managed to succeed with the core principle of “essentially making a fool of yourself” when he was filmed singing along with his friends to “Heil Hilter” by Ye. The song somehow ended up becoming the soundtrack to an evening that looked like a manosphere reboot of The Hangover, and that has already seen numerous venue staff lose their jobs as a result. A video shows the song playing in a party bus, as podcaster Myron Gaines shouts “Jews mad!” before throwing an apparent sieg heil. The camera then pans to 27-year-old virgin Nick Fuentes, wearing a little boy suit as if he’s on his way to bring-your-child-to-work day at Gestapo HQ. Making up the numbers are Sneako, a man who was thoroughly “mogged” by Piers Morgan, and Tristan Tate, the less-bald brother of Andrew Tate, who was also there, somewhere just out of shot.

Just days after all of this played out, Ye took out a full-page advert in the Wall Street Journal reassuring anyone who might have spent the last four or five years wondering that “I am not a Nazi or an antisemite. I love Jewish people,” explaining how a previously undiagnosed frontal lobe injury from his 2002 car accident, as well as bipolar I disorder, led to a “four-month long manic episode of psychotic, paranoid, and impulsive behavior” during 2025. “In that fractured state, I gravitated toward the most destructive symbol I could find, the swastika, and even sold T-shirts bearing it,” he explained before also apologizing to the black community. Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that this statement will prevent Ye’s music and name being used as a “destructive symbol” to further certain political agendas. It’s also not going to stop “Heil Hitler” from forever being a troll track request for the worst people at the club.

Clavicular might be banned from ever going out in Miami again, but he’s probably come away from his trip feeling as if he got lucky. After all, I’m not sure that any of this was ever about attracting women—whose judgment might be influenced by whether or not your friends act like people who could be in a dock at the Nuremberg trials—so much as chasing attention at any cost. That’s why, for someone who has such a supposedly great pickup game, Clavicular spends so much time hanging out with other men who self-identify as chads. This past month, he’s had got more eyes on him than ever before, posting on X that: “Im [sic] getting emails from all these media platforms, who the fuck is rolling stone magazine LOL. These [N-words] gave me a deadline to reply like a fucking high school teacher. Tired of these washed outlets trying to clout chase.” Crucially, this attention has probably also led to a spike in signups for his online looksmaxxing academy, where you can pay $49 to study something called the “Ascension Method.”

Despite all this seeming like the dumbest shit in the world, I guess it does teach us something: In the “new meta,” if you have a subscriber base and an audience, you never really have to worry about going home alone.

@yungtolstoi

Previously: Ian Watkins, Nigel Farage, and Me

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