Clutter, it may surprise you to learn, isn’t a monolith. There are all different kinds: visual clutter, digital clutter, easy-to-part-with clutter. Distinct types of clutter call for different approaches to controlling them, and one of the trickiest sorts to contend with is what’s known as aspirational clutter, those things we hold on to because they represent the version of ourselves we would like to be, even if we aren’t quite there yet.
“We see mental, emotional and physical benefits from letting go of aspirational items,” says Ann Lightfoot, a co-founder of Done & Done Home and co-author of the book “Love Your Home Again.” “Mentally, aspirational clutter carries quiet pressure that says, ‘I should be doing more.’ When it’s gone, that background noise disappears.” But the task of actually parting with these items can be quite difficult.
What is aspirational clutter?
“Aspirational clutter is the collection of items we keep because they represent who we hope to be, not who we realistically are right now,” Lightfoot says. “These items aren’t useless — they’re tied to goals, identity and good intentions — but they quietly create guilt and overwhelm, and stall progress when they pile up.”
Aspirational clutter comes in many forms. Ría Safford, a luxury-home organizer and founder of RíOrganize, talked her mother into giving up what she calls “an ungodly amount of mimosa glasses” that had been hanging around, unused, for 20-plus years. Those glasses, her mother argued, would be nice to have when she hosted her book group, despite the fact that serving mimosas to her book group is something she has never done. “I was crying-laughing because I’m like: ‘You just made up a whole scenario that you’ve never done, that you will never do. You’re holding onto these glasses for this fantasy,’” Safford says. Her mother gave up the glasses.
Serving pieces for parties you’ll never throw are just one of the common forms aspirational clutter can take. Some of these will probably also sound familiar:
- Books you want to read
- Exercise equipment
- Bins, containers and organizing products
- Craft, DIY and home-improvement projects you never finish
- Kitchen gadgets for a healthier diet or that you’ll use “one day”
- Courses, workbooks and printouts
- Clothes that don’t currently fit
Dealing with aspirational clutter means getting real with yourself
The idea we have of who we are doesn’t always align with reality, and sometimes that is reflected in our clutter. “I am constantly having to tell clients, ‘Let go of the person you thought you were,’” Safford says. “It’s not a failure.” Holding on to items that don’t serve the person you are now, she says, “adds unnecessary pressure” to do things that you don’t have the time or skills for, or actual interest in doing.
It’s good to have goals, and goals often require information and equipment, but Safford cautions against what she calls “purchases without a purpose,” which can happen when researching and shopping for an activity becomes conflated with actually doing that activity. Scanning the latest book reviews, buying new releases, arranging books by color on a shelf or in a jaunty stack on the floor are all fine ways to spend your time, but they don’t make you a reader. The simple truth is that if you don’t read, you’re not a reader — and that’s fine! But you don’t need to devote money and space in your home to a pastime you don’t actually engage in.
How to turn those aspirations into reality
If that hurt to hear, help is here in the form of strategies for deciding what role aspirational items have in your life and for making them a part of your current reality.
Separate “not now” from “not me”
Lightfoot takes her clients through a three-step exercise for getting their aspirational goals on track to become reality. The first step is to identify items that represent seasonal or paused goals that you might return to in the near future (“not now”), and the things that belong in the past (“not me”). When you let the latter go, Lightfoot says, “you are letting go of that version of yourself. Most people discover far more belongs in ‘not me’ than they expected.”
Contain the dream
The next step involves transitioning items from aspirational status to ones you actually use by setting physical limits. “Every aspirational category gets one container,” Lightfoot says. “No exceptions!” This might look like one shelf for unread books, one bin for goal-weight clothes or one drawer for creative projects. “If it doesn’t fit,” she says, “choose your favorites, and let go of the rest.”
Create a schedule for reality, not hope
For each item or type of item you keep, a corresponding entry should go on your calendar or to-do list. “That can mean putting a 20-minute reading block on your to-do list, scheduling a weekly walk in exchange for giving up your bulky treadmill or planning a craft night this month,” Lightfoot says. “If you can’t find the time, it doesn’t get space in your home.”
How to let go
Letting go of the things you earmarked for the “not me” pile can be hard, and Lightfoot says asking three questions will offer clarity if you’re having trouble making the break: Who was I when I bought this? Who did I hope to become when I made the purchase? If I let it go, what does it say about me? “Getting rid of an item may bring up feelings of grief for time, seasons or opportunities that didn’t unfold as expected,” she says. “It’s okay to acknowledge and normalize how you’re feeling.”
It can be helpful to remind yourself of the emotional and practical benefits of letting go. From a practical standpoint, it simplifies storage, makes cleaning more efficient and allows rooms to regain function. “The home stops being a storage unit for unfulfilled dreams and intentions, and becomes a support system for your current life,” Lightfoot says. Saying goodbye to these emotionally charged items can also provide closure around old chapters, an acceptance of life transitions and even “a feeling of accomplishment rather than loss,” she says. “People realize they didn’t fail, they simply evolved.”
Part of normalizing this type of grief, Lightfoot says, is accepting that “you can feel sad and let the item go. Closure doesn’t have to be tidy.”
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