Sydney Sweeney faced a lot of backlash in 2025 — and Nikki Glaser was prepared to rub salt in her wounds.
The comedian revealed the cruel bit about the actress she planned to do during her 2026 Golden Globes monologue if Sweeney had been in Sunday’s star-studded crowd.
“Tonight is a night of celebration but we can’t ignore that it’s a weird time in Hollywood,” Glaser began the cut joke during her Tuesday appearance on Sirius XM’s “The Howard Stern Show.”
“People just aren’t going to the theater to see things. If you don’t believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours and it made $14.”
Glaser, 41, was referencing Sweeney’s box office flop, “Christy,” a biopic about iconic boxer Christy Martin which saw the blond bombshell undergo an unrecognizable transformation.
Amongst the other A-listers who ended up being saved from Glaser’s savage set were Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, Julia Roberts, and Jonathan Bailey.
Had Pitt, 62, been present and nominated for his role in racing movie “F1,” Glaser said, she would have joked, “When a man turns 60, he gets to play a race car driver. Meanwhile, after 35, every role for a woman is a tired mom who hates her life.”
The two-time Golden Globes host continued, “Brad, you were so good enough when I was almost convinced that you’ve driven yourself somewhere in the last 30 years. But Brad did a lot of his own driving in the movie. And Brad, I don’t want to embarrass you, but your blinker was on the whole time.”
As for Penn — who was in attendance — he got let off easy as the only stray he caught was getting called out for looking like “a sexy leather handbag.”
Glaser shared that she and her team came up with several jokes about the “One Battle After Another” star before deciding to stick to that one because she “didn’t want to make him upset.”
She said the jokes she would have piled onto the Golden Globe nominee were: “Sean Penn is nominated tonight. I’m assuming for best neck veins?” and “Two of the hardest working actors in Hollywood are here tonight: Sean Penn’s lower eyelids.”
“Wicked” star Jonathon Bailey was another star who narrowly escaped by not going to the awards ceremony, but if he was there she would have made a joke about him being named the 2025 “Sexiest Man Alive” by People magazine.
“Jonathan is the first openly gay man to be named the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine. And at first I was like, do we really need to say ‘openly’? And then I looked at a list of past winners and I was like, ‘Oh, yeah, we do.’”
The last star Glaser revealed was cut from her monologue was Julia Roberts because according to her the “Pretty Woman” star is “untouchable.”
“This was the joke I had written about [Roberts] where I literally thought I was going to be tarred and feathered after the show,” she told Stern. “Julia Roberts is nominated for ‘After the Hunt.’ I don’t know what it’s about, but I’m assuming the hunt was to find someone who’s seen it.”
Despite these cuts, Glaser still made sure to roast several celebs throughout the show including Leonardo DiCaprio, for his history of dating younger women, and Timothée Chalamet, for his scrawny stature.
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