Gwyneth Paltrow says she worked with a coach to unlearn people-pleasing in her 40s.
On Tuesday’s episode of “Good Hang with Amy Poehler,” Paltrow reflected on aging and the work she’s done to change some of her old habits.
“Well, I’m a recovering codependent. So, I used to do anything and everything not to say the thing that would make the waters choppy,” Paltrow told host Amy Poehler.
Over time, the Goop founder said she realized the approach was causing more problems than it prevented.
“When you don’t say what needs to be said in the moment to spare somebody else’s feelings, first of all, like, you’re rejecting the truest part of yourself,” Paltrow said.
“And then it’s going to come out another way. And that’s like, you’ll end up being dishonest. You’ll end up not saying what needs to be said. You’ll end up stringing out some lame relationship for eight extra months and treating them not so nicely because you have stuck yourself in something, you know, you just make a mess,” she said.
The “Marty Supreme” actor said she eventually reached a point where she knew she had to do something differently, and that was around the time she turned 40.
“I worked with a coach on how to hold the uncomfortable feelings of disappointing somebody else,” Paltrow said. “I really had a problem with men. Like, when I worked with men, I had a really hard time disappointing them or saying something that wasn’t aligned with their version of things.”
She eventually learned how to approach similar situations more effectively while remaining true to herself.
“It’s so self-honoring when you just speak the truth, and you can do it very kindly,” Paltrow said. “And it’s also not your responsibility to take care of somebody’s feelings when you’ve simply said the truth.”
This isn’t the first time Paltrow has spoken about learning to set boundaries.
In a 2023 Instagram Live, Paltrow encouraged women in their 20s to not be afraid of saying no.
“Please do not be afraid to set boundaries. Please do not be afraid to hurt people’s feelings,” Paltrow said, per People.
Paltrow has also spoken openly about how years of public scrutiny left her highly sensitive to other people’s opinions.
In a November episode of the “Goop” podcast, Paltrow said that she has been experiencing a lot of anxiety and is working with two therapists.
“Well, I’ve lived a very intense life in the public eye for a really, really long time. And so I think whenever we’re at the mercy of people’s opinions, and all the energy behind the opinions, that is, I’m very sensitive — as most of us are — and so I feel that, and it kind of frays my nervous system,” Paltrow said.
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