I recall feeling embarrassed when my son asked me about my father’s side of the family for a social studies project when he was in 6th grade. I didn’t know much about my dad’s side of the family, besides my dad’s father’s first name, Frank.
It felt wrong for my son to leave the column blank, and I also became curious. I suddenly wanted to learn more about my grandfather and father’s side of the family.
What made it complicated was that there was no one to ask.
My dad’s family history was complicated
When my Dad died in a fire in his home at age 63, there was nothing salvageable but a handful of items in his car. Without him, the lineage of his side of the family felt erased.
The first time I saw my grandfather’s face was in his obituary, a few years after my dad died. When I noticed the obituary did not include my dad’s name, he reality of their estrangement hit. Although my dad had already died, I question what he would have thought if he saw his father’s obituary, knowing his biological father did not recognize him at all. It made me sad, and I wondered if my father had remained a secret.
Before he died, my dad had told me his mother gave birth to him when she was 19. He didn’t say much about his father besides mentioning a brief visit with him when he was around 5. I didn’t have a lot to go on.
I turned to my computer for answers
To find some answers and fill out at least part of the family tree for my dad’s side of the family, I realized I’d have to fend for myself. I decided to use Ancestry.com to help fill in the gaps.
First, I put my grandfather’s name in Ancestry. I used his obituary as a starting point for his birth and death, his parents’ names, and his brother’s name, then I searched for census records, birth and marriage certificates, military records, and more. I began slowly gathering documents from his life that could help me build a family tree for my father’s side of the family. Soon, his profile showed leaf icons, which the site uses as “hints” for me to explore.
Digging deeper revealed more
I started obsessing over clues about his life and upbringing. My search wasn’t about reaching out to my relatives I don’t know, it was purely for the creation of a family tree for my kids. I don’t plan to surprise my relatives with an email of my findings, and wanting to one day meet. I do not plan to meet them. I’m fine being a part of the lineage that is in the shadows or perhaps a part of a hushed secret, but I still want the family’s branches for my tree.
One day, when I logged into Ancestry.com, waiting for me was a portrait of my grandfather from his high school yearbook. It was like a gift. I studied his face, looking for any resemblance to my father; this was around the time he would meet my dad’s mother. A couple of years later, my dad would be born.
Another gift I unearthed was my grandfather’s selective service draft card from 1948. The word ‘father’ is checked off. I’m shocked to see this document from his life. It represents a moment in time when my grandfather and my father were together, even if only on this piece of paper, during the year my dad was born.
I continued to do more research and discovered proof of a marriage and other children. Eventually, I discovered more relatives on my dad’s side and discovered that many of them were named Frank or John.
I’ve learned, my grandfather Frank was a man of science, a doctor who was passionate about brain health.
My great-grandfather Frank, born in 1886, was a chief clerk at the railroad in his 20s, later, he was an office manager for an ice cream factory. My great-great-grandfather, Frank, born in 1857, was a cigar manufacturer.
I feel oddly connected to the story of these people, even though I didn’t even know they existed before my search began.
Now our family tree has more branches
After two years of research, I can now better answer my son’s questions about our family’s past, and we’re ready for the next school assignment that may come our way. I’m proud of myself for all I’ve discovered so far and the efforts I’ve made to build something meaningful from the shadows, and I think my father would be proud, too.
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