We’ve all had that person: you know, the lover we thought was “the one” we would spend the rest of our lives with. The person we felt safest with, most understood by.
And unfortunately, many of us have also lost said person, making them “the one that got away.” These separations leave a noticeable hole in our lives and our hearts, triggering deep grief and even panic.
Getting over someone you believed was “the one” is no easy feat. For some time following the split, you might experience denial, anger, depression, and even fear that you’ve lost your one chance at true love. But I promise you: that’s not the case.
Here are three tips for getting over the person you thought was your soulmate.
1. Challenge the Idea of ‘The One’
Growing up, I believed there was only one person created specifically for me. I’d read countless romance novels that only fueled that sentiment, hoping one day, I would meet my person and settle down for a peaceful, fulfilling life with them.
But over the years—and after experiencing different forms of heartbreak—my perspective has shifted. Call me jaded, but I don’t buy into the myth of “the one” anymore. Personally, I believe there are many people with whom we can fall in love, form a healthy attachment, and build a beautiful future.
Love might be a feeling, but it’s also a choice. And if someone chooses to betray or walk away from you, they probably aren’t meant to stay in your life. That doesn’t make them the villain, nor does it make you unworthy, and nor does it invalidate the bond you two shared. It merely means they were your person for a season—”the one” to show you how deeply you can love someone, but not “the one” to move forward with.
2. Understand that Love Does Not Equal Ownership
As I mentioned earlier, someone can be “the one” for a season. Long-term commitment is not the end-all, be-all. Life is ever-changing; relationships ebb and flow. Even if you believe the notion that “the one” is the person you will commit to spending your life with, understand that nothing is ever permanent or guaranteed—sometimes not even marriage. People divorce, spouses get sick, dynamics shift…
Of course, this isn’t to say marriage shouldn’t be your goal—I personally hope to get married and start a family one day. Marriage is a beautiful commitment, one that should be respected and taken seriously. But even a lawful union does not equate ownership over another person. Your spouse is still an individual, just as you are.
3. Know You Won’t Miss Out on What’s Meant for You
I remember going through a gut-wrenching heartbreak in my mid-20s, grieving someone I thought for sure would be the father of my kids someday. After nearly six years of dating, we’d talked of getting engaged, tying the knot, checking off all the boxes society has ingrained in us.
But ultimately, we realized we were growing apart more than together. We were still so young, and we had much growing to do individually.
After the breakup, I thought for sure I would never find someone like him again. And I was right.
No two people—no two partners—are the same. We all bring out different sides of each other, and I truly believe that certain people come into our lives when we need them, whether to teach us valuable lessons or to show us the kind of love we deserve.
I might not have met someone like my ex, but I have met new types of people. New friends, new partners, new connections that helped me grow in ways I wouldn’t have—couldn’t have—with him. And I’m sure he can say the same about me.
Does that take away from the relationship we once had? Of course, not. If anything, it’s a testament to how genuine our bond was at the time.
Respect and express gratitude for the love you shared with your ex while acknowledging that your relationship didn’t work out for a reason. Trust what’s around the corner, and believe you will never miss out on what’s truly meant for you.
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