Most people in monogamous relationships like to think commitment means closing every other door. In practice, many people keep at least one door labeled “in case of emergency” somewhere in the back of their mind.
A recent survey reported by StudyFinds suggests the habit is actually pretty common. One in six adults currently in relationships says there is someone in their life they would leave their partner for if that person showed romantic interest. Not a hypothetical stranger. An actual person they already know. The data comes from a Talker Research survey of 1,279 Americans who said they were in committed relationships.
That finding sits alongside another revealing number from the same research. One in five Americans in relationships says they don’t consider their current partner their soulmate. Millennials were the generation most likely to believe in the soulmate concept overall. Wanting a romantic ideal and feeling settled in a real relationship don’t always line up.
There are also notable differences between men and women. Nineteen percent of men said they have someone they would leave their partner for, compared to 12 percent of women. Women, on the other hand, were slightly more likely to say their partner isn’t their soulmate. The survey doesn’t claim these are the same people, but taken together, the numbers suggest many couples are functioning with unanswered questions about commitment.
Clinical psychologist Adam Horvath says that internal tension isn’t unusual. “It is not uncommon to think we could leave our partner for the new, exciting, mysterious other one, but it matters how we respond to these feelings,” he said. “If you often find yourself emotionally invested outside your relationship, that’s a signal to look at why your boundaries are dropping.”
Horvath is careful to separate attraction from behavior. “We’re human. Attraction does not turn off when we say ‘I choose you,’” he said. “What matters is what we do with our feelings, and whether we’re honest with ourselves about why they’re there.” Having a crush or imagining a different outcome doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.
The situation becomes more serious when people start comparing their partner to an imagined version of someone else. “When we compare our real partner to a fantasy of someone else, and check out because there’s something better,” Horvath explained, “that often reflects something missing that the other person represents.” He pointed to things like novelty, playfulness, or feeling understood without trying.
Taken together, the survey offers a blunt snapshot of modern commitment. For many people, staying in a relationship is an active decision rather than a lack of alternatives. Whether having a backup person is harmless or a warning sign depends on how honestly someone is willing to look at what that attachment says about their relationship.
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