Most people don’t wake up wondering whether their relationship qualifies as fate. They wake up wondering who forgot to bring the trash cans to the curb. Still, the soulmate idea is a lingering one, especially in long-term relationships where love exists but certainly feels less “passionate” than it once did.
A new survey from Talker Research suggests that feeling is more common than people admit. One in five Americans currently in a relationship says their partner is not their soulmate. The survey included 2,000 adults, with 1,279 respondents saying they were partnered. Eighty percent said their partner is “the one.” Twenty percent said nope.
Part of the tension comes from how loose the word soulmate is. For some, it means destiny and emotional ease. For others, it means trust, shared values, and choosing the same person even when nothing feels cinematic. The survey didn’t ask respondents to define the term, which leaves space for people who feel committed without feeling cosmically certain.
Your ‘Soulmate’ Might Have a Backup Partner
Another finding adds some discomfort. Sixteen percent of people in relationships said there’s someone in their life they would leave their current partner for if that person showed romantic interest. The stat doesn’t imply someone is halfway out the door. It implies people notice temptation and decide what lines not to cross.
Adam Horvath, a clinical psychologist at Personal Psychology, addressed that reality directly. “We’re human. Attraction does not turn off when we say ‘I choose you,’” he told New York Post. Horvath emphasized that noticing feelings for someone else doesn’t automatically mean someone is a bad partner or that their relationship is failing. It means they’re paying attention to their internal world.
Problems surface when attraction becomes an escape route. Horvath explained that comparing a real partner to an imagined version of someone else often highlights something missing. Not necessarily a different person, but a quality that feels absent, like novelty, playfulness, or excitement. In those moments, the fantasy says more about the relationship’s pressure points than about destiny.
The survey also showed small gender differences. Women were slightly more likely to say their partner isn’t their soulmate. Men were more likely to say they’d leave their partner for someone else if the opportunity appeared. Millennials stood out as the group most likely to believe in soulmates at all, which makes sense for a generation raised on rom-coms and curated love stories.
None of this feels like a crisis. It feels like people trying to balance romantic ideals with adult reality, and occasionally admitting the two don’t line up perfectly.
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