We all have loved ones who know how to push our buttons (or boundaries), and the holidays provide the perfect time for them to do so. Whether it’s your uncle bringing up politics at the dinner table, your grandma commenting on your weight, or your mom incessantly asking when you’re finally getting married and having kids, these interactions can overstimulate and set off even the most grounded people.
I don’t care how much healing you’ve done over the last 365 days—some family members have a way of bringing out the worst in us.
Thankfully, there are a few ways to help diffuse the situation so you can actually enjoy your celebrations. Here’s how to survive the holidays without difficult family members.
1. Keep Conversations Surface-Level
Contrary to what grandpa might believe, the holidays are not the time to discuss deep, controversial topics—unless, of course, your family somehow handles them with grace. In which case, why are you even reading this list?
Keep the conversations light-hearted and surface-level this year. Talk about that snowstorm that’s projected to hit this weekend, or compliment your aunt on her pumpkin pie.
2. Set Your Own Boundaries
To survive the holidays with family, you must be willing to set firm boundaries. You can’t control your loved ones, but you can empower yourself by sticking to your own rules.
For example, if a family member starts commenting on your body or how much food you’re eating, you get to shut down the conversation. If tensions are high and arguments escalate at the dinner table, you can choose to get up and walk away.
Boundaries help you create a sense of safety and security within yourself—because let’s be real, you likely won’t be getting that from your family.
3. Temper Your Expectations
While it might seem counterintuitive to expect the worst from your family’s holidays, it’s crucial to temper your expectations. This doesn’t mean going in with a pessimistic attitude. Rather, it’s being realistic about how you believe the day might play out. That way, you’re ready for any awkward moments or rude comments, and you won’t feel your holiday didn’t live up to the standards you set.
This also means taking joy into your own hands. Create your own magic, and don’t rely on your loved ones to show up as you wish they would. Do that for yourself.
4. Prepare an Escape Plan
Having an out—even if you don’t end up using it—is like having a safety net. If you feel too overwhelmed to stay at your family’s house, set up an escape plan you can use at the last minute. For example, if you want to head out early, tell your loved ones you have another party at your friend’s or partner’s place. If that’s off the table, make up a lie about needing to get to bed early for work in the morning. Santa will understand.
5. Set Aside Time to Prepare and Decompress
If possible, carve out some time before and after your family gathering for you to prepare for the event and decompress from it. This will help you stay grounded and recover from any uncomfortable or upsetting interactions.
For example, perhaps you can hit the gym or do some yoga and journaling before heading to your parents’ for the holiday. Then, once the evening has wrapped, schedule some quiet time when you can unwind, whether it’s reading in bed or watching TV on the couch for the night. These small practices can help regulate your otherwise overworked nervous system.
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