The makers of “Anaconda” got at least one thing right: Rebooting the shlocky, widely-panned creature-feature of the same name from 1997 is a goofy idea. Enter Jack Black and Paul Rudd as two losers from Buffalo with an outsize affection for the 1990s artifact, a film so bankably bad-its-good to have spawned multiple sequels and even a crossover spinoff involving a killer croc. Directed by Tom Gormican, this self-referential action-comedy may manage to make some clever jabs at the movie business and nostalgia culture, but its slick spectacle doesn’t match half the dumb-fun of, say, watching Jon Voight get crunched by a leering animatronic puppet.
Maybe because midlife crises fantasies rarely deliver. Griff (Rudd), a struggling actor, and Doug (Black), a wedding videographer who dreams of being the next John Carpenter, are caught up in just that when they make their way to the Brazilian jungle to shoot a D.I.Y. version of the camp classic. Along with their damaged pals, Claire (Thandiwe Newton) and Kenny (Steve Zahn), Griff and Doug want desperately to relive the magic of their childhoods, when the four of them made an ultra-low-budget sasquatch movie they’re convinced represents the high point of their lives. Doug’s a dad with a kid who worships him, but the cute-and-fuzzy parts of the movie are (thankfully) kept to a minimum, with even the bromance between Doug and Griff played somewhat tongue-and-cheek.
In Brazil, the crew travel down the Amazon on a barge they fail to realize has been stolen by Ana (Daniela Melchior), a rugged local on the run from marauders with guns. The film’s meta-humor deflects away from the flimsiness of this grittier plotline, which seems to exist merely to justify a few motorcycle chases and collateral kills. “Themes!” scream Doug and Griff as they dopily brainstorm ideas for their film’s script — and when Ana shows off her moves against the baddies pursuing her, the outline of a thriller about a punchy environmentalist fending off plunderers briefly inspires Doug to make her the lead.
Selton Mello adds some bizarro energy as a snake handler, and Zahn’s Kenny — the most incompetent of this crew of incompetents — stumbles around the boat high off stolen pills. Rudd does his lovable simpleton shtick and manic Black carries on, as per usual, like a scruffy Don Quixote, but the film around them doesn’t quite keep pace with their go-for-broke absurdity.
When the big, bad serpent finally enters the scene, a few gross-out gags (one involves Doug’s regurgitated body and a presumably dead wild boar) tip the film in a more lively, cheerfully idiotic direction — a good thing, since we’re in an Anaconda movie. But for all its talk about departing from the original, the film gets sucked in by the gravitational pull of I.P. And however crafty it is about integrating its cameos and Easter eggs, a hard truth remains: Its namesake snake is kind of a dud.
Anaconda Rated PG-13 for gun action, snake attacks and regurgitated bodies. Running time: 1 hour 40 minutes. In theaters.
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