Spotify Wrapped could already feel humiliating. This year, there are more opportunities than ever to flip over the stone that is your phone habits and see what crawls out.
Last year, my top artist was Florence + The Machine. I stand by it; “What Kind of Man” is one of the best songs ever written. But why was I craving Florence Welch’s scream about heartbreak and lust so desperately? What did that say about me?
The shame began.
This year, I can get rundowns from Dunkin’ and Snapchat and YouTube. My colleague Sydney Bradley asked for a LinkedIn Wrapped — and then it appeared in my home feed.
“Saturday Night Live” made a sketch about the embarrassing potential of Uber Eats Wrapped. Then the company released it for real, just called YOUBER.
Scrolling these rundowns is starting to feel less like fun and more like a psychological evaluation. Here’s what I learned from my roster of recaps.
LinkedIn made me feel like a try-hard
Thanks, LinkedIn, for letting me know that I have “true daytime energy” (as in: I use the app between 10 a.m. and 7 p.m.).
2025 has been my year of becoming a LinkedInfluencer. Some of it is to develop connections and find new stories; some of it is to promote my work. Speaking of which: Follow me on LinkedIn!
Knowing how much I used the platform, though, was overwhelming. I didn’t need to know that I was in the top 5% of LinkedIn users.
It’s always a bit concerning to know that I’m being perceived. Knowing my profile was viewed 4,248 times? Woof.
Like most of these recaps, LinkedIn tried to give me a title. I got the “Catalyst,” known for putting myself out there.
Many of my colleagues also got this title. I think it’s just because we post, unlike the majority of my friends, who use LinkedIn to stalk their Hinge dates.
YouTube reminded me how rotted my brain was
I used to be a big YouTube watcher. Now, I mostly use the platform to watch NPR’s Tiny Desk Concerts and compilations of my favorite Bravo shows.
I had never thought much about it, though, until my YouTube Recap showed my top interest was “Reality TV recaps.” Oh no.
It kept getting worse. I was in the top 0.3% of viewers for a small “Real Housewives” compilation maker I like. It’s not my fault that “Real Housewives moments that haunt me at 3 a.m.” is perfect 3 a.m. viewing!
And then, the bombshell: My award was “most likely to quote iconic TV moments at the most random times.”
You don’t need to rub it in my face, YouTube.
YouTube’s descriptors for me were “cultured,” “observant,” and “entertained.” Entertained? On YouTube? I would hope so.
I was named “The Connector” because I was “drawn to content that sparks conversations and builds community.”
YouTube’s first example of that: reality TV recaps. Well, fine.
Spotify made me feel like a normie
You’re looking at a guy who listened to 27,999 minutes of podcasts this year. That’s 19 days’ worth. Dear God.
I listen to podcasts everywhere. I listen to them going to and from work. I listen to them in the shower. I listen to them when I fall asleep at night. Did I need to know how many minutes that was? No.
Then came my top artists. I live in Brooklyn, where everyone keeps telling me about the tiny artist they’ve been streaming forever that everyone’s just coming around to. (Please, do not talk to me about Geese.) Compared to that, my taste felt basic.
My top artist was Lady Gaga, and it was for the whole year. That game Spotify played where it raced your artists against each other? Gaga won the entire time.
My other top artists were Beyoncé, Lorde, Laufey, and Lucy Dacus. All great artists, no regrets there. But certifiably un-indie.
Partiful called me “codependent”
A couple of the rundowns didn’t work for me. I spent a long time hunting for my “YOUBER” banner. I deleted and redownloaded the Uber app; I powered my phone off and on. Nothing worked — and it seems like I wasn’t alone.
I can guess what would be on there, though. Uber would tell me that my primary trip was coming back from Bushwick at 3 a.m.. Uber Eats would tell me that I ordered far too much late-night Chinese food.
I rarely use Snapchat, so my Snap Recap had almost nothing in it.
The Dunkin’ rewards recap also felt a bit empty. My “go-tos” were iced coffee and donuts. At Dunkin’? Shocking. At least it didn’t tell me how much I could’ve saved by making coffee at home. That would be devastating.
I’m not a big Partiful user, though I did make my first invite this year to plan a housewarming. I co-created the invite with my roommate. For that honor, the app called me “codependent.” Rude!
And the worst of them, of course, was Strava. I hate distance running. I will not be one of the gaggles of Gen Zers signing up for a marathon.
I logged one — count them, one — run on Strava this year. There weren’t even enough to get a “Year in Sport.”
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