Does “Saturday Night Live” even need a premise for James Austin Johnson to play President Trump in its opening sketch anymore?
This weekend’s broadcast (hosted by Josh O’Connor, and featuring the musical guest Lily Allen) began, at least, with a poem:
On a cold December night, high above the Earth
Flies a big jolly man of considerable girth
Making his way to every home under the sun
In his magical sleigh … Air Force One
Following an introduction from Ashley Padilla as the White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt — “He’s exhausted. His brain is all over the place. So unfortunately — he can’t wait to talk to you” — Johnson appeared from behind a curtain on the plane.
Taking a peek behind the curtain, Johnson said, was “something I enjoyed doing at Miss Teen USA in 1997.” He added, “This is exciting. Tonight I took both an Ambien and an Adderall, so we’re going to see which one wins.”
Johnson went onto to gush about Padilla’s attractiveness saying it was “pretty amazing that I can just openly simp over my young blonde subordinate — it’s giving Michigan football coach.” (He then demanded that a camera zoom in on her mouth.)
Afterward, he took questions. Johnson told one reporter played by Chloe Fineman, “The economy is very strong. Everyone’s fine, from the billionaires all the way down to the poor, poor millionaires who we’re praying for every night.”
When another reporter asked about the U.S. seizing a Venezuelan oil tanker, Johnson responded, “We’re doing pirate now. ‘Arrr!’ It’s interesting, last week I said Somalis were garbage and now we’re stealing the ships. Ironic, isn’t it?”
After quoting from the film “Captain Phillips” (whom Johnson said was “one of my favorite captains after Crunch”), he added, “Uh oh, methinks Ambien has pulled into the lead. But don’t worry, Adderall is still in the race.”
He then showed what he said was recently declassified footage of U.S. missiles taking out a familiar airborne sleigh and its team of flying reindeer.
“Was that Santa?” asked a reporter played by Jeremy Culhane.
Johnson replied, “Not anymore.”
Appropriate bachelorette party entertainers of the week
In the not-at-all topical department, O’Connor and Ben Marshall were featured in this sketch about a pair of sensitive male strippers (located, they say, through a Sally Rooney message board) who perform for a group of women at a cabin in the Catskills. It’s pretty pitch-perfect in its inoffensiveness — when the men take off their cardigans, it is only to reveal they’re wearing another layer of cardigans underneath — though you will get to hear Jane Wickline utter one of the more outrageous turns of phrase we can’t quite reproduce here.
Weekend Update jokes of the week
Over at the Weekend Update desk, the anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che riffed on President Trump’s recent appearance at a Pennsylvania casino.
Jost began:
This week, President Trump led a rally celebrating his handling of the economy, which for some reason he held at a casino in the Poconos. It’s just kind of weird to say, “The future is brighter than ever. Isn’t that right, woman on oxygen playing the nickel slots?” Trump’s speech was supposed to focus on the affordability crisis but he drifted off topic just a little bit.
[He played video footage of various remarks from President Trump: “They don’t use the word chief of staff anymore, because of the Indians.” “Can you imagine if Donald Trump married his sister?” “Do we love miners? I love miners.” “What? Don’t forget who? Eggs!”]
I love that the president lost his train of thought and someone in the crowd had to remind him his train of thought was eggs. Sorry: Eggs! As you can see from the sign behind him, the theme of the rally was “Lower Prices, Bigger Paychecks.” Which was much better than his original economic message, “Not My Fault, Sell Your Blood.”
Che continued:
This week, President Trump claimed that “affordability” is a new word made up by Democrats to hurt him. But if Democrats really wanted to make up a word specifically to hurt Trump, it would probably be “fatmentia.” President Trump also complained about immigrants from countries like Haiti and asked why can’t we have some people from Norway instead? Or, how about someone who’s Norwegian and Haitian, like Times Square Elsa?
Weekend Update desk guests of the week
Some Weekend Update segments this season have featured only one guest commentator. So in this week’s outing, let’s celebrate both of the guests who appeared. Marcello Hernández popped up to joke about Latinos celebrating the holidays and watching Christmas-theme films like “Home Alone” (“This kid misses the plane, destroys the house and ruins the vacation. And somehow, this movie doesn’t end in” a beating.)
Jane Wickline was back to sing about what she feels is the most dangerous threat facing humanity: the child actors from “Stranger Things.” (It’s always the calm, quiet types who turn out to be Team Vecna.)
Biting the hand that feeds you of the week
Now that Universal’s high-priced musical sequel “Wicked: For Good” has safely opened at the box office, it’s presumably open season for its corporate siblings to satirize the film and its source material. Bowen Yang, a co-star of the “Wicked” movies, got his turn to play the titular illusionist in this fairly faithful parody of 1939’s “The Wizard of Oz” — faithful except for the fact that the Cowardly Lion has a big wish to ask the Wizard, and it isn’t for courage. (Don’t watch this one with any children in the room.)
This weekend’s show concluded with a sketch poking fun at the songs of Lily Allen and their highly specific lyrics. Now to take a big sip of water and remember who was the musical guest.
Dave Itzkoff is a former Times culture reporter.
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