South Park just brought its two-season Donald Trump-Satan story arc to its logical conclusion. If you haven’t been keeping up with the show, Trump and Satan have been in a sexual relationship for the past ten episodes. In September’s “Wok is Dead,” it was revealed that Satan was somehow pregnant with the president’s baby. Since then, we’ve been slowly building toward what we were led to believe would be a rectal birth.
Last night’s season finale, entitled “The Crap Out,” opens with Stan reflecting on the recent changes in his life, including his family’s move from Tegridy Farms to a retirement home. Meanwhile, at the White House, Satan is decorating the nursery in preparation for the incoming antichrist. After realizing Trump isn’t around, he finds out that the president has gone to Colorado for some reason.
Over in South Park, we find Trump on a street corner dressed up as Santa with JD Vance posing as his elf sidekick. The two are staking out the police station where PayPal co-founder Peter Thiel is being held for kidnapping Cartman; they want Thiel to assist them in killing Trump’s unborn child.
When next we see Stan, he’s looking for a Christmas miracle. He heads to a toilet, seemingly to summon Mr. Hankey, but instead conjures up the deranged Woodland Critters, who think he called upon them to help Satan. While this is going on, Satan discovers Trump has been cheating on him with Vance and learns of their plans for the baby.
Back at the police station, Trump and Vance try to spring Thiel from his cell by pretending to be from the Salvation Army. Everything seems to be going according to plan until Satan catches up with them and vows revenge. Jesus, who by now has transformed into a guitar-playing Christian Trump supporter, swoops in to protect the president.
After Satan goes into labor, Jesus gets Thiel out of jail and heads to the hospital to help carry out Trump’s plan. Once they arrive, Stan manages to talk a little sense into Jesus just as the doctor comes out with some bad news: The fetus hung itself in the womb Jeffrey Epstein-style, complete with a few minutes of footage missing from the ultrasound.
On the bright side, Jesus decides to perform a Christmas miracle and give Stan his old house back, thus putting an end to Season 28 and the first South Park Christmas episode in six years.
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