Ready to set Jersey ablaze
Jeff Ross once schlepped to the Middle East. The comedian entertained sheikhs. Now back, he’s skewering his hometown state, or what’s left of it following the jailing of its gold-loving Sen. Menendez. The show’s “The Roast of New Jersey.”It’s Saturday, Feb. 28, at whatever’s Meridian Health Theatre in Red Bank. You can probably get a laugh and a colostomy at the same time. Ex-NFL guy, now WFAN radio guy Tiki Barber’s in the thing. Tickets go on sale tomorrow. But warning: The trip takes its toll.
Call-out cards
Ellen Easton does food, recipes, tea manners, etc., and sent menus for holiday time. Plus, protocols. Like: RSVP if not attending. Decline politely in writing, email or text. Inform your host of allergies. Rude to ask to bring another guest, children, pests or your divorce lawyer. Send thank you afterward.
This protocol, etiquette, manners, party specialist then sent another note: “I’m just informed my Christmas card has a typo. It says ‘bight’ instead of ‘bright.’ ”
Hey, Ellie, mazel tov.
Trawling for gifts
Itchy as to what to gift? Try crabs. Baltimore actor Dave DeBoy has written a book. Everybody’s written a book. Kamala’s even learning to read a book. DeBoy’s given friends John Waters, Barry Levinson, Natalie Portman, Renée Zellweger, Julia Louis-Dreyfus his personally written thing “I Gave Baltimore Crabs (for Christmas).” I envy them. I now await the possible sequel which might be “Snails for Snowstorms.”
It’s H’wood ‘Love’ actually
Jennifer Lawrence and Robert Pattinson crawl around on all fours in “Die My Love.” Also naked a lot. It’s about childbirth which doesn’t make them ecstatic.
Jennifer: “Anybody who’s been through postpartum or depression should see this. Especially if you have a husband character like Robert. That makes it a cautionary tale.”
Flights of fancy
So I came across a reminder of the long-gone Pan Am’s Clipper Service for a holiday. Thanksgiving 1960. The plane’s gone. Menu’s gone. Prices gone.
Starts with caviar “from the Caspian Sea.” It’s swilled down with vodka or Champagne. Just what we now sitting three-across grab as we pass over Montana. Then hors d’oeuvres, which you can drown in wine. Next, if you’re still conscious, Long Island bay scallops sloshed with Bordeaux Blanc. Piggies still hungry? Main dishes: roast filet of beef, sweetbreads, veal steak with tarragon sauce, stuffed squab. A crate of vegetables and a tub of desserts.
God knows how they had enough room left over for passengers. That plane’s last traveler is probably still waiting for his sautéed onions.
No more Pan Am, so if you’re looking for an Uber, call Crapdammy. May be his next career as he’s only temporarily in New York, kids, only temporarily New York’s secondhand mayor.
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